


everything i gave you

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Series: Coming Back As We Are [8]
Category: Glee
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blangst, Creys, Depression skewed reality, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Episode: s04e04 The Break Up, Feel free to scream at me, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Like keep a box of tissues right next to yiu, M/M, MY BABIES, Major creys, Mugging, My First Work in This Fandom, Papa Bear Burt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleepy Cuddles, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Unreliable Narrator, What Have I Done, but I'm not, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-04-05 23:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4198962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson knows he doesn't deserve Kurt's love. He never has, and he never will, so one fateful night, the hateful words of his father ringing in his ears, he lies to Kurt in order to get the love of his life to break up with him. And then, a few weeks later, he disappears, believing that no one cares about him.<br/>Too bad Kurt Hummel never stopped loving him, and too bad Kurt Hummel is too stubborn and won't let the people he loves die.</p><p>(Based on slightly AU seasons 2 & 3, AU of episode 4x04 and everything that comes after it)</p><p>"I was with someone."<br/>He'd never thought that the words would come so easily, slipping past his lips and falling into his conversation with Kurt, breaking the moment and shattering the last of Blaine's hope, because he couldn't take it back, not now, even though the look of utter loss on Kurt's face burned worse than a thousand rock-salt-slushies to the face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i didn't give you this

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flaming_muse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flaming_muse/gifts), [princeyitz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeyitz/gifts), [GleekMom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleekMom/gifts), [peanutmeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutmeg/gifts).



> Okay, so this follows my headcanon/au (it follows the original season 2 with only a few differences, as it mostly takes place 'behind the scenes' of Klaine, then becomes rather AU with season three) that Blaine's parents are emotionally abusive, and have told him his entire life that he is not worth anything. This led to a damaging inferiority complex and a desperate need to prove himself to the world, which often ended up being accomplished by pushing himself beyond his limits. When he finally overcame his fear of rejection and kissed Kurt, everything seemed fine but then his parents began hammering in the 'fact' that he was worthless and that Kurt would dump him soon because of his body. This led to an eating disorder as he tried to become "perfect" for Kurt, who was horrified when he eventually found out and tried to reassure Blaine that he himself was nowhere near perfect and that there was no need for Blaine to try and change for Kurt (Kurt still doesn't know about Blaine's parents, though). Things went well for awhile (the whole thing with Chandler doesn't happen in my AU though they do talk about their fears of loneliness) until Kurt moved to New York (still hasn't gotten into NYADA, though). Taking advantage of Blaine's fear of rejection and loneliness as well as the few calls that Kurt has missed, Blaine's parents come back on full force and Blaine 'realizes' that Kurt deserves more than Blaine could ever give him. And thus, the 'confession' of cheating, and this happens...

_"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."_

_―Robert A. Heinlein_

 

You and me 

We used to be together 

Everyday together always 

I really feel 

That I'm losing my best friend 

 _Blaine was_ in love _with Kurt Hummel, and he also_ loved _Kurt Hummel. He felt it every time they touched, every time they spoke, and even every time he heard Kurt's name. There was no one else he could see himself ever being with, and that's why this was so hard._

_It was just one lie, right?_

_It would help Kurt out in the long run, help him be with someone who deserved him. Because he deserved the very best, and that didn’t include Blaine, because Blaine was flawed and ugly and_ not worth _Kurt (no matter how many times Kurt tried to reassure him of the opposite), and Kurt was perfect and everything good in this world._

_Kurt would thank him in the long run..._

_He would, right?_

* * *

Life's too short to even care at all oh

I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!"

 _Crack_.

Tears spring to Blaine's eyes as he grabs his keys from the counter and heads out to the car, cradling his bruised cheek in one hand. He's dizzy, and his head is throbbing, and he tastes metal in his mouth, and everything is falling apart. A sob tears its way past his lips as he starts the car and pulls away from the house.

Kurt left without him, just as his father always said he would, and no one else cares about him. No one else ever has, and no one else ever will. At least he let Kurt go, gave the only person he's ever truly loved a way out of the shithole he calls his life. Kurt deserves someone better, someone who can offer him a family and a future without baggage and pain.

Blaine can't take it anymore. The words, no matter how much they hurt, were at least honest, but at least he has never been physically hurt by his parents before now. Now everything has changed. He knows that the fact that he's a screw-up doesn't excuse violence, doesn't excuse contact between knuckle and cheek so intense it sends him stumbling back into the wall behind him.

So he drives, attention only half-focused on the road, and decides he doesn't care where he ends up. He has nothing- no one cares what happens to him anyway.

If he dies, it won't matter.

* * *

I can't believe

This could be the end 

It looks as though you're letting go 

And if it's real

Well I don't want to know

_It hurt more than he expected._

_Of course it did- his world was shattering, even before he'd actually committed the deed, before he'd struck the final blow. All it had taken was giving Kurt the flowers, seeing his face light up in happiness, hearing the excitement with which Kurt had said his name, and knowing that the best thing that had ever happened to him (the connection that kept him afloat) would_ burn _because of him to shatter his heart._

 _Because that was the truth. His heart wasn't_ breaking _\- no, 'break' was too clean, too precise a word to describe the thousand mangled pieces of scarred tissue that constituted his heart and emotions now. A mirror didn't_ break _when someone hurled a grenade at it- no, it shattered into a million glittering, burning pieces, each of which only reflected a fraction of the beauty they used to._

_So he shattered, falling apart even before he had to lie to the love of his life._

_Now, singing 'Teenage Dream', the first song he'd sang to a broken, beautiful boy he'd met on the stairs at Dalton, Blaine's heart shattered all over the piano. Tears ran down his cheeks as he thought about what he planned to do, what he_ had _to do. It would help Kurt in the long run, would give him a chance at happiness and a family and everything he'd ever dreamed about, everything Blaine had ever wanted for him..._

_(another tear fell, sparkling in the light, and splashed onto the dark piano surface)_

_...without Blaine._

_ _

* * *

A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh

If I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away

I'd run away

Monday

The first day, no one notices much.

"Hey Artie, have you seen Blaine?" Sam asks, "He wasn't in any of his classes today."

"No, dude's probably just not feeling too good. He'll probably be back tomorrow."

Tuesday

When another day passes without Blaine, Sam starts to get a little worried.

"Tina, Blaine wasn't at school today or yesterday, and he hasn't texted me at all since Sunday."

She frowns. "Have you called his house?"

He shakes his head. "No. I'll call tonight."

***

"Hello, Anderson Household. Who might be calling?"

"Sam Evans, senior at McKinley High. I'm friends with your son Blaine. Do you know-"

" _That boy_  is no son of mine. Good day, Mr. Evans."

 _Click_.

* * *

And so I run now to the things they said could restore me

Restore life the way it should be

I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

_When Blaine had gotten slushied by Sebastian, he had thought that would be the most painful thing he'd ever have to go through. He'd thought that feeling of hopelessness, that absolute fire burning his eyes that he couldn't escape, would be the epitome of pain in his life. Nothing could be more painful than that moment, when he had been nearly blinded, that would be the closest to hell he'd ever come while still alive. Nothing, not even the harsh words of his parents, could compare to the pain of that moment._

_Until now, as he shattered Kurt's illusion of himself as a good boyfriend._

_Or was he building an_   _illusion of himself as a bad one?_

_Which is false? Blaine couldn't tell which one he built and which one grew without him noticing, which was more of a lie. Was he a bad boyfriend who hid under the guise of a good one, or a good one who was hiding under the guise of a bad one in order to protect the one he loved?_

_He couldn't tell anymore- nothing was certain other than the fact that no matter how much it hurts, Kurt was better off without him._

_"I was with someone."_ I'm lying _._

 _He'd never thought that the words would come so easily, slipping past his lips and falling into his conversation with Kurt, breaking the moment and shattering the last of Blaine's hope, because he couldn't take it back, not now, even though the look of utter_ loss _on Kurt's face burned worse than a thousand rock-salt-slushies to the face. It hurt him, physically and emotionally, and it was sheer torture knowing that he would **never** be able to have easy conversations with Kurt again..._

 _"When you didn't answer your phone calls, I felt lonely, so I hooked up with someone."_ That sounds rational, like someone could do that. I never would, though. I could never be with anyone except you. How could I ever be with anyone except you, when you are all that is perfect in this shitty world? 

_**Never** be able to laugh with Kurt over ridiculous fashion choices of normal Ohioans..._

_"It doesn't matter who I was with, Kurt."_ Defensive. Yeah, that's good. I need to pretend like I have something to defend, pretend that I'm not dying over and over on the inside. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see that without you I have **nothing** to live for?

_**Never** be able to sing a duet with Kurt, their voices harmonizing perfectly, blending like sugar and coffee..._

_"What matters is that I was by myself."_ I will be now. I will forever be.

_**Never** be able to seek comfort in Kurt's arms on a bad day..._

_"I needed you. I needed you around and you weren't there."_ I need you now, but I'm letting you go. I'm doing this for **you**.

_**Never** be able to feel Kurt's lips against his..._

_"And I was lonely and I'm..."_ In agony? Dying? Sick with myself? Not worth staying alive? _"...I am really sorry."_ I'm sorry, can't you see, Kurt? I'm sorry for lying, sorry for hurting you.

**Never. Hear. Kurt. Say. 'I. Love. You'. Ever. Again.**

_His thoughts came faster and darker and more painful and suddenly he wanted to retch, to vomit, to empty his stomach out until nothing remained, until the guilt and shame were all gone. Instead he stood there, watching as Kurt's eyes filled with tears, still as a statue while the disgusting sour sting of bile rose in his throat, threatening to choke him. He welcomed it, actually. That would be a fitting end to his miserable life, wouldn't it? To die rejected and unloved by the only person who'd ever shown him love?_

Lash out, Kurt. Tell me to go die in a hole. **Tell me to die.** Please, _please_ just give me this one small mercy. Release me from my misery.

 _But Kurt didn't answer Blaine's unspoken plea. He just let out a small, shaky breath and curled his arms around himself, which only killed Blaine a bit more inside because he_ knew _Kurt, knew every one of his tics and secret fears and could read them well. He knew that this one breath, this one movement, was a sign that Kurt was breaking inside, and Blaine had no idea what he should do next, how he should handle the situation. He knew he had hurt Kurt, but he also knew that if he could leave now that soon enough Kurt would start to forget about him and heal and move on, even if Blaine went about the rest of his life with agony behind his smile and a broken heart and the throbbing pain of his parents' words echoing through his brain. Blaine would stay stuck in the past while Kurt could chase his dreams and find his soul mate, another beautiful, talented man just like Kurt who would fully appreciate exactly what kind of perfection he was getting._

_But before he could figure out anything Kurt turned and walked away, singing under his breath. Anyone would have passed it off as just Kurt being Kurt, but Blaine could see the ever-familiar line of his shoulders quaking with sobs, the normally clear, balanced tone of his singing voice broken and rasping with grief._

_For the first time that night, a sliver of doubt reached the dark, dark corner of Blaine's heart where he kept his belief that Kurt would be better off without him._

_What if...just maybe...Blaine had been wrong?_

* * *

It's all ending

I gotta stop pretending who we are...

You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Wednesday

"Hey, Finn?"

"Yeah, Sam, what's up?"

"What do you know about the Andersons?  I mean, not Blaine, his parents?'

"Never met them before..."

***

Finn knocks on the Anderson's door after talking to Mr. Schue that afternoon. Despite how much he wants to strangle Blaine for what he did to his brother, he's starting to get a bit worried. Blaine hasn't been seen by anyone in three days, Mr. Anderson didn't exactly sound the friendliest on the phone according to Sam, and according to Mr. Schue (who it took forever to drag the information out of), Blaine's parents had never called Blaine in sick.

There has to be a logical explanation for this.

There's a harsh, heavy clunk as the deadbolt slides away and the door opens, revealing a man with Blaine's eyebrows, slicked back hair, and tanned skin but a lot taller with harsh, unforgiving blue eyes instead of warm hazel ones. Finn sees this man and gulps, slightly afraid, and for a moment neither of them speaks as the man stares at the teenager.

"Hello," Finn surprises himself by speaking first, "Would you happen to be Mr. Anderson?" He sticks out a hand to shake.

After a moment of hesitation the man reaches out and shakes his hand, though admittedly with obvious reluctance. "Yes, I am," he says, and his voice is deep and stone-cold. Finn almost flinches at how hard it is before continuing. _Wow, Blaine must have a strict home life._

"My name is Finn Hudson and I was calling in to check on a... _friend_ of mine, Blaine Anderson. He didn't show up to school and, as the assistant to the Glee sponsor, I wanted to come and check on him. I..." He trails off as he catches Mr. Anderson glaring at him.

"You won't find that _fag_ here, Mr. Hudson."

Finn's fists curl up at his sides even as he flinches at the term. After spending the past year or so hearing that insult directed at his brother he has developed an intense hatred of it, maybe even a bit more than any other insult directed at him and his friends. This was the one that, once spray painted across lockers years ago, kicked off Kurt's bullying, that drove Karofsky to attempt suicide, and, according to Blaine's whispered confession at a family dinner a few months back, was the last thing the bullies at Sadie Hawkins called him before bashing him unconscious. How could a father say such a thing about his own son?

" _Excuse me,_ sir? What did you say about your son?"

"Exactly what I said, Mr. Hudson. _That fag_ no longer lives here. He is not my son anymore- I do not care where he's gone."

Resisting the urge to reach up and punch the man in the face (it takes nearly all of his willpower), Finn grits his teeth and forces out another question. "Can you please at least tell me when last you saw him?"

"Sunday. We had an...argument and he ran out, the coward."

 _Coward_? There were many things you can call Blaine Anderson- liar, cheater, overconfident, braggart, showy, oblivious, and many more, sure, but _coward_? That is one thing Finn would never be able to associate with Blaine Anderson. And that's what he says to Mr. Anderson, though not in quite so many words.

Mr. Anderson scoffs and puts his hand on the door. "Of course he is, Mr. Hudson. He's a goddamn worthless coward. Good day." Then he closes the door in Finn's face, leaving an infuriated young man close to physically trembling with anger on the front porch.

***

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, Kurt knows there's something off about the whole situation with Blaine. Everything lines up right- Blaine was lonely, so he hooked up with someone else, but he couldn't bear the guilt of his actions so he told Kurt. He'd always been honest with his mistakes like that. Everything makes sense, everything falls into place.

It's probably just his own personal reluctance to believe Blaine's guilt, he thinks as he clicks away at his computer, Bluetooth flashing in his ear. He's working on Isabelle's schedule at the moment, helping arrange appointments for the next few days. After all, he's been in love with Blaine Anderson for the past couple of years now, it's going to take awhile to accept that he's gone and cheated.

 _(But this doesn't sound like him_ , that little voice in the back of his head whispers, _the Blaine Anderson you know would never betray you like this)_

Kurt bites his lip, trying to dispel such thoughts. Blaine admitted it to him himself- he cheated, and that is that. There is no excuse for what Blaine has done, no reason for the betrayal of trust-

His phone flashes, a picture of Rachel and Finn kissing lighting up the screen of his phone. Kurt frowns, picking up the phone. Finn almost never calls him, and never when he's at work. Something has to be wrong. He swipes his thumb across the screen, choosing to answer it.

"Hey, Finn, what's going on?"

"Kurt, have you heard from Blaine since Sunday?"

Kurt grimaces at Blaine's name, but does catch the worry in Finn's voice. "No, I haven't heard from him since...well, you know, _that_ night." He swallowed. "Why, is something wrong?"

"It might be. Tell me, Kurt, what do you know about the Andersons?"

Kurt's brow furrows as he thinks back on all of his past conversations with Blaine. "...Not much, actually." He'd never thought about that before. Strange enough, Blaine and him had never talked much about Blaine's parents. He recovers quickly, though, "Once again, why?" _C'mon, Finn, get to the point._

"Blaine's been missing since Sunday, when his father said they had an argument and Blaine ran away, but the thing is that he didn't tell anyone. No one's heard from Blaine since then and when I went to see Mr. Anderson this afternoon, he said Blaine was not his son and called him a worthless coward and a _fag_." Finn spits out the last word with utter disgust.

Kurt's heart drops to his feet as Blaine's stories about Sadie Hawkins come rushing back, leaving him gasping for breath. 

 _Fag_.

"Tell me more," Kurt says, voice trembling, and as Finn explains everything that Sam and he have found out Kurt is left breathless, mind stuttering and confused.

He has no idea what is happening anymore.

* * *

As we die, both you and I

With my head in my hands

I sit and cry

Friday Morning

Kurt's phone rings as he's arriving at the Columbus airport, and for a moment he almost considers ignoring it before sighing and pulling it out of his back pocket. He freezes when he sees the caller ID.

**BLAINE <3 **

(he never removed the heart)

He swipes his thumb across the screen to accept the call, hand trembling slightly in anticipation. Which Blaine would be on the other side of the phone? The confident yet kind soloist that he'd first fallen in love with, the lying cheater that he'd broken up with a few weeks ago, or a young man, broken and beaten down by his parents, that Kurt has only ever glimpsed a few times?

"Kurt, I'm dying." The voice on the other end is exhausted and fractured, wobbling between words and drowning in pain, but it is unmistakable. Kurt's breath catches in his throat as the memory of the last time he'd heard that voice mixes with the despair he feels at Blaine's words. "I'm dying and..." A deep, shuddering breath, "I need to tell you the truth. I...I lied." Kurt's fingers clench at the hem of his jacket, gripping so tight his knuckles turn white. "I never...cheated on you. That guy...was a lie. It was only...ever you. I...love you, but I don't...deserve you."

Kurt shoves every emotion away, relief and grief and anger moving to the back of his head. "Blaine, can you tell me where you are?" He manages to keep his tone mostly neutral, but can't stop a desperate " _Please?_ " from slipping out.

"I love you, Kurt, and...and that's why I gave you up," Blaine's voice whispers, and his voice has a harsh, almost delirious edge to it. It seems like he's missed Kurt's question, and Kurt can't hold it back anymore. A sob threatens to burst out, and he swallows dryly. Blaine sounds so sick, so broken. He's not supposed to be like this- he's supposed to be strong. He's _Blaine Anderson_ , and Blaine Anderson does not break. He can't break, because if he breaks then Kurt Hummel will break too.

"Please, Blaine, tell me where you are," Kurt says, and he's unsurprised to find himself begging.

Once again, Blaine doesn't seem to hear. "Hey, Kurrt..." His voice slurs, delirium evident in his tone, and for a heart-shattering moment there is nothing. Not a breath on either side of the phone as the moment stretches into silent infinity. "...You are my _only_...my missing puzzle piece." A pause, a beat passes before Kurt can respond.

"I love you, Blaine," he says, and there's a rush as he realizes that it's the truth. He never stopped loving Blaine, even when he thought he'd been cheated on. Blaine and him are two halves of one whole, two sides of the same coin. They are meant to be together, and it is fate that they met that day at Dalton. Tears start falling down Kurt's face, and he only wishes that he'd realized this sooner.

"Kurt..." Blaine murmurs weakly, and it's more breath than sound in Kurt's ear. "Somewhere... _only we know_."

And then there's a thump, and the line goes dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for first chapter are "Cough Syrup" and "Don't Speak", Glee covers of course.


	2. but my love was only ever yours to take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry for the order in which this chapter is written. It's not exactly chronological, but remember that italics are the past (in this chapter it's season two and a bit of pre-season two Blaine), and since it follows season two's time line pretty well you should be able to rearrange things pretty well.  
> Either way, here's the general timeline for season two for those who need a refresher:  
> 1.Blaine gets bashed and goes to Dalton  
> 2\. Meets Kurt  
> 3\. Kurt and Karofsky situation, Kurt transfers to Dalton  
> 4\. Embarrassment at GAP where Blaine tries to distract himself from feelings for Kurt  
> 5\. Blaine drunk kisses Rachel, questions sexuality  
> 6\. Blackbird scene and FIRST KISS OH MY GOSH  
> 7\. Benefit concert at McKinley  
> 8\. Kurt transfers back, Blaine and Warblers serenade him with Somewhere Only We Know  
> 9\. Nationals  
> End of season

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please ignore Kurt in the background of the first gif, Kay? Please?  
> Also, I know the lyrics are out of order and they alternate between the songs but they fit the story better this way. Thanks and goodbye!

_"Out of the crooked timber of humanity,_

_no straight thing was ever made."_

_-Immanuel Kent_

 

 I was the match and you were the rock

Maybe we started this fire

You could say that Blaine Anderson's life began with his birth, like most people, but he probably wouldn't agree with you. He'd probably even deny that his life started when he awoke from a coma after being gaybashed at a Sadie Hawkins dance. If you asked about the moment when he entered Dalton, where he got a fresh start, he might nod and say "Yes, that's it", but he knows the truth.

We **all** know the truth.

His life began at the moment he actually started _breathing_ , actually started living and not just surviving from day to day.

It began when one broken boy met another at the base of a staircase, each at the end of their wits and alone, even when surrounded by a crowd of their own friends.

It began when hazel eyes met glasz over a sea of navy blue and red, when two tormented souls connected with simple touch and simple words. Words that would mean nothing to anyone else, would never alight more than a mundane interest.

In them it sparked something extraordinary, a fire that neither would ever be able to douse no matter how hard they tried. It would burn brighter than any light, and, depending on their choices, would either destroy them or give them an ending happier than any either had ever imagined.

 

_"My name's Blaine."_

_"Kurt."_

 

* * *

Things we lost to the flames

Things we'll never see again

_Blaine remembered every insult and complaint his parents had used against him in the past few years, especially since he came out._

_First, before he came out, it was the mostly normal ones that he could just shrug off._

Idiot.

Coward.

 **Worthless.** _  
_

_It still stung, sure, but for the most part Blaine could ignore it and continue on with life, his self-confidence cracking at the surface but remaining iron strong beneath. He handled it all, made it through elementary and middle school, and just had fun with his friends. He was a relatively normal kid, though admittedly with what some might call a strange obsession with bow ties. He never told anyone about his parents, though. It didn't matter- they didn't matter. But then he came out, and the insults got worse._

_Lots worse._

Slut.

Whore.

 _So many more, attacking both his personality and sexuality but also his honor and virtue. Maybe that wasn't something that many freshmen or other high schoolers cared about nowadays, but Blaine was a virgin and planned on keeping it that way. Maybe not until marriage, but at least until he found that special someone, that man who would hold him and comfort him and give him flowers and walk him to the door after a date and give him goodnight kisses and_ save him from his hell _. He was a total romantic, quite similar to his female friends in middle school, and his parents hated him for it. They tried to destroy him, and little by little it started to work. The insults and the rants on his worthlessness and the tangents on how he was nothing but scum started to get to him. Blaine tried to hold on, and for the most part it worked. He was fine, a talented young man with everything going for him. He'd even managed to get a date to the Sadie Hawkins dance and he was excited, ecstatic to finally be able to proclaim his sexuality freely._

_And then the bashing happened._

Fag _._

 _The word rang in his ears at the hospital, echoing even over the throbbing pain in his skull, but when he told his parents about it they just proceeded to verbally attack him harder. His mother actually_ laughed _, and his father scoffed and said that Blaine_ needed _it. Said that it "built character", quickly followed by a whispered "they should have hit harder, maybe it would have straightened you out."_

_(He was about ready to scream)_

_But that was when Blaine really started to break, though he covered up the cracks in public. He covered up the emotional scars with a Dalton blazer and tie, hid his shattering heart behind a glowing smile and a smooth voice, and attempted to keep his fragile self-esteem together with the soloist position in the Warblers, the only place where he knew he was important._

_Thankfully, no one seemed to notice._

Fag _._

_No one called him that here at Dalton. Instead they smiled and joked with him, making him feel at least somewhat accepted. Sometimes, though, when his parents' words were really getting to him, he wanted to yell and scream, rip open his heart and bleed out all the poison running through his veins. He wanted to shout to the heavens and demand that someone tell him what he had done to deserve this, what he had ever done to be punished with cruel words and apathy to his suffering and insults from his own parents._

_But he didn't, keeping up a façade of happiness, even while he started to assimilate his parents' emotional abuse into his soul and began to die inside._

_Sometimes he even wondered that if he died on the outside, would anyone even care?_

Unnatural. 

Fag.

 **Worthless**. 

_He was afraid of the answer._

* * *

These are the things, the things we lost

The things we lost in the fire fire fire

_When Blaine was a sophomore, he met the love of his life. He just didn't know it yet._

_Blaine knew three things as soon as he saw the boy on the stairs: that the boy didn't go to Dalton, that the boy was a victim of bullying just like him, and that the boy was gay. It was obvious in the way that he carried himself, confident yet slightly hunched over, and in the haunted look in his blue-green eyes, that this boy had gone through worse than anyone should ever have to._

_Just like him._

_So when he introduced himself, stretching out a hand to the boy in front of him, he was reaching out a hand to someone who he innately trusted, though they had never met before. When he took Kurt(a beautiful name, short and clean and noble)'s hand and led him to the Warblers' practice, running through the hallways, he felt the same rush as the first time he'd come to Dalton and had seen its majesty, the respite it could provide from the bullies and his parents. He felt that excitement, that wonder that the boy might be feeling at that moment._

_And he couldn't deny that the thought of being the one to share that beauty with this boy was one he very much enjoyed._

_ _

* * *

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Traveler's Bridge- that had been Kurt and Blaine's comfort place, so long ago. The tradition started after their third date (the one right before the concert at McKinley), when Blaine had taken Kurt out to the bridge to look at the stars. The old, run-down bridge was near Blaine's childhood home, nearly an hour away from Dalton, but it had been a Friday night so curfew at Dalton had been relaxed. The conversation in the car on the way there had been a bit awkward, but it was a good awkward, full of anticipation.

Once there, they'd spread out a blanket on the bank of the river down a small path from the bridge and (after only the smallest of complaints from Kurt about his pants getting dirty), had laid down together and looked up at the stars. At first Kurt had contented himself with watching Blaine's face light up with excitement as he talked, gesturing about animatedly at the stars as he pointed them out. It was a very different side to Blaine than what he showed everyone else, than even what Kurt himself had seen before. It made Kurt quite happy to know that Blaine was trusting him with a side of him that no one else got to see.

Kurt remembers their final discussion that night perfectly.

_"This has been amazing, Blaine. How do you know so much about the stars?"_

_"Back when I was a kid I went to summer camp. I only went for one year but I made lots of friends. The counselor taught us about all the stars one night when it was clear out. It was so beautiful..." He paused and grinned, his face lighting up as he continued, "I remember getting to go on a weekend camping trip at the end of the summer. It was lots of fun- I remember chattering on about it on the car ride home." He frowned slightly. "Too bad I didn't get to go back the next year."_

_"Oh, your parents didn't let you?" Kurt commented absent-mindedly, thinking, "Hmm, I wonder why..."_

_Beside him, Kurt could feel Blaine tense up. Kurt frowned and stopped that train of thought. "You okay, Blaine?"_

_Blaine smiled at Kurt, soft and glowing. At first it seemed happy, but as Kurt watched he noticed something sad about the turn of Blaine's mouth, something raw that reminded Kurt of himself every time he had looked in the mirror when Karofsky had threatened him- vulnerable, weak, wounded. "I'm fine, Kurt. Don't worry."_

_Kurt could hear it in Blaine's tone that he didn't want to talk about it. So Kurt decided to change the topic, and as soon as he did he saw Blaine's smile shift into something more genuine, one of relief and happiness._

_"Hey, Blaine, how do you feel about going to the benefit concert at McKinley next weekend?"_

_Blaine tilted back his head, staring at the stars. "I'll make you a deal, Kurt- I'll go with you to the concert if you'll show me around and introduce me to your friends while we're there."_

The next week, they confronted Karofsky together for the second time.

After that, whenever either of them had been having a bad week, they both packed up from their respective schools and headed out on Friday night. It became their spot, something no one else knew about. Even when Blaine eventually transferred to McKinley they kept coming back, because it was _their_ spot.

It was somewhere only _they_ knew.

* * *

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

_Asking Kurt, his beautiful, courageous boyfriend, to dance at the prom was easily the bravest thing Blaine has ever done, and it didn't come anywhere close to what Kurt had just done by accepting the crown. Though Kurt finally began to smile when Rachel joined them on the dance floor, quickly followed by the Glee Club and soon everyone else, Blaine could see the downturn in the corners of his lips and the sorrow in his eyes. Every nerve in his body screamed out to hold Kurt, to just cuddle up on the Hummels' couch and comfort his boyfriend, but he couldn't. Not now, not when everyone was staring and they still had to finish out the night and say goodbye to Kurt's friends._

_But still Blaine saw Kurt, saw his pain, and wished he could have done more. He was already in love with Kurt, and it made him feel useless when he couldn't protect the perfectly imperfect boy he saw in front of him. He couldn't do anything to stop the ignorant, homophobic kids at Kurt's school from attacking them, from belittling Kurt when all Kurt had ever done was be himself, have the courage to stand out and be different in a way that they didn't accept. It's the exact opposite of what Blaine did- ever since he had been bashed, Blaine had only been true to the parts of himself that he knew would not be ridiculed._

_He sang, was given solos, but only because the Warblers were accepted. He wore streamlined clothing, uniforms and boring clothing and the like, because it helped him blend in. It kept him safe, the plain coats and the blazers and the boring jeans, kept him being singled out, and he didn't feel as threatened. He got good grades but didn't brag about them, was kind to everyone but didn't get too close to anyone in particular, volunteered but didn't bring it up for attention, and only shined on stage with the Warblers. Even in meetings with the Warblers he didn't speak up too often, only going along with what they said._

_Well, at least until Kurt came along. Seeing how unafraid the dashing countertenor was of being himself gave him a little courage, just enough to start acting a bit more like a normal teenage boy and less like a robot in a blazer. He had let himself carefully break through the unassuming façade he'd built for himself. He had started off by making stupid mistakes (the GAP Attack, getting drunk and kissing Rachel, questioning his sexuality, taking for-FREAKING-ever to admit his crush on Kurt to both himself and everyone else), but everything had eventually culminated in the most romantic and beautiful moment of his life- when he finally got up the courage to kiss Kurt._

_It was everything Blaine had ever dreamed of- warm, passionate, and electric. The scent of cologne, mint, and something just inherently_ Kurt _filled his nostrils, and everything was just_ perfect _. Kurt leaned into Blaine, responding to Blaine's lips, but he didn't press, didn't force himself any further. The kiss was sweet, and Blaine wished he could have stayed there forever instead of going back to practicing but he couldn't. He had broken off the kiss after a few moments, a real, genuine smile pulling at his lips. He had seen Kurt smiling back at him, just as breathless as he was._

_"We should-we should practice, I guess," he had breathed out a bit awkwardly, unsure of how to continue._

_"I thought we were," Kurt had quipped, and damn if that wasn't been the smoothest thing he'd ever heard Kurt say. They had leaned in again and Blaine found himself surrounded by the feeling of coming home._

_How in the world had something that good happened to_ him?

_  _

* * *

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?

Kurt pulls up near the Traveler's Bridge, eyes already scanning the area around his car. He's pretty sure that he broke every speed limit on the way over here, but at the moment that's the farthest worry from his mind. Blaine is his every thought, worry overtaking every other emotion. He finally stopped sobbing sometime on the way over, calming down enough to call his father to tell him where he was going and to assure him that he would take care of Blaine if he found him.

And of course Kurt is beating himself up over the entire thing. Why would Blaine ever do this? How could he ever, _ever_  think that he doesn't deserve to be loved? Kurt is the one that doesn't deserve to be loved- he had abandoned Blaine when he needed him the most, hadn't listened to Blaine during the time they'd been together. What kind of person was Kurt not to notice how much Blaine was hurting, not just because of the breakup but also throughout their relationship? They'd discussed Blaine's eating disorder last year and how Blaine had thought he'd needed to be perfect for their relationship's sake, but they'd never really discussed what had caused such a fear. It was obvious now that Finn has talked to Mr. Anderson that there was a lot going on at home that Blaine never told him about.

Kurt steps out of his car, shivering as the biting fall wind cuts through his coat. Blaine has to be near here somewhere, and if that thump that cut off their call is any sign then he's in trouble- major trouble. Kurt bites his lip, glancing around as he heads toward the old tollbooth, trying to think of where Blaine might be.

The building's locked, so that's not an option, but there's got to be a shelter somewhere near here that Blaine would have at least tried to make it to if he thought he was dying. Even now, emotionally shattered, Blaine Anderson is smart and would hopefully be able to find shelter. Kurt desperately hopes that Blaine found shelter before whatever happened that ended the phone call. So where could he be?

Kurt runs around the tollbooth and down the bank, where muscle memory takes him safely down the rocky incline and along their trail. He remembers all the memories that happened here, all the kisses and picnics that made up his dates with Blaine and knows that whatever happens in the next few minutes will outweigh them all. He passes by their spot and there's nothing there. Where could Blaine be- under some trees, maybe? Or...there, behind those couple of sheds that line the forest edge? Kurt swings around to look behind them.

At first he doesn't see anything in the shadows between the toolsheds, but then a flash of red-brown catches his eye. He nearly sobs as he looks closer at the shed near him and realizes that it's a bloodstain. He follows the thin trail of blood and splatters of dried sick around the edge of a long box (probably holding fishing equipment) to find Blaine leaning against the back of the box, skin chalky and a few shades paler than normal, lips dry and cracked, and eyes fallen shut. Blood is dried across his forehead and encrusting a few lank curls, which flop down over his forehead as Blaine's normal helmet of hair gel is all gone. His arm droops at his side, fingers limp, and his phone sits upside down in the mud beside him, where it looks like it fell out of his hand. His face is creased in pain, a large yellowed bruise decorating his right cheekbone, and his other hand is cradled over his stomach, the wrist bent at a strange, sickening angle. He's breathing shallowly, his chest barely rising with each breath. To his horror Kurt sees that Blaine is only wearing a thin wrinkled button-down with a suspicious dark brown-red stain running down the left side of the chest and a pair of light jeans, shoes missing and no jacket or coat.

Blaine's been missing for a week, temperatures falling to close to freezing at night and he isn't wearing even a sweater? Oh god, how could Kurt have let this happen? Once again, shame crashes over Kurt as he realizes that Blaine probably has gone all week like this and never once thought of asking any of their friends (or even Kurt, for that matter) for help. Did Blaine really think that none of them would care about him? Even if Blaine had really cheated on Kurt the Hummel-Hudson family would have let Blaine stay with them any day for as long as he needed- he was nearly family, after all, and even if he hadn't been they never would have turned him away after they told him how his father was treating him.

Kurt falls to his knees beside Blaine's curled-up form, fingers racing to unbutton his own coat. He yanks it off, not paying any attention to the treatment of the fabric for once, and carefully wraps it around Blaine's hunched shoulders. He chokes back a sob as he gently picks up Blaine and feels how thin he is. How much has he eaten over the past week to leave him feeling so fragile? Though Blaine has always been short and a little thin, he's always been strong. Now, he's broken and fragile and Kurt doesn't know how to handle it. It's all his fault.

Well, at least Kurt can hopefully save Blaine now. He can't go to a hospital- he knows that Blaine hates them (the only time he'd gone to a hospital in the entire time they'd known each other was for surgery after the slushie incident, and even that was only after two panic attacks and days of arguments). Where the hell can he take Blaine to get help, then?

Kurt walks quickly back to his car, knowing at least that he has to get Blaine warm. He cradles Blaine in his arms, Blaine's head resting against his chest. Where to go? He can take Blaine back to his dad's house, where Carole can help him. But how to get him there without hurting Blaine any further...?

He gently lays Blaine out in the back seat, being careful of his injuries, and runs around to the back to grab a blanket. He drapes it gently over Blaine, cautiously tucking it around him, before turning the keys in the ignition and starting the car. Basic knowledge tells him that he has to get things warm, first off. He grabs his phone and calls Carole. 

"Hey, sweetie, I heard about Blaine. Is he alright-"

"Sorry, Carole," He says, cutting her off, "But I need your help. Can you tell me how to get someone with possibly broken ribs safely to our house without calling an ambulance?"

He hears a gasp on the other end, but thankfully Carole doesn't question him. "Yeah, honey. Listen closely, and please, just get him home safe."

Kurt is more than happy to do just that.

* * *

Do you understand that we will never be the same again?

The future's in our hands and we will never be the same again

_Giving up Kurt, letting him go back to McKinley, was one of the hardest moments of his life. Not only because he was letting his courage go, the only one who made him feel sane, but also because with Kurt leaving his self-esteem took a huge hit._

_Kurt made him feel loved, feel like he was actually worth something. Whenever he spent time with Kurt, Blaine came alive in a way he never did around others. He was simultaneously fascinated by Kurt's veritable wealth of ideas and by the fact that he had helped that broken boy he'd met on the staircase get to this point, to a level of comfort where they could sit together at the Lima Bean (sure, no PDA or holding hands, but they were still together) and actually enjoy himself. It was a wonderful feeling, the feeling that he'd changed someone else's life, had helped them out._

_Blaine caught himself smiling as he straightened his tie for the fifth time in as many minutes. The Warblers were on the bus only a few minutes away from McKinley, where he was going to serenade the boy he loved before letting him go._

_He took a deep breath as he dropped his hands to his lap and stared at them. He couldn't believe he was about to do this, about to serenade Kurt_ in public _, in front of people who_ mattered _to Kurt. It took a totally different kind of bravery to do this than to pull that stunt at the GAP. If he screwed up at the GAP, it would have been in front of strangers who he would hopefully never have to see again, but if he screwed up here he could be impacting_ Kurt's _life, his_ friends _' lives. It would_ matter _._

_"You ready, Blaine?" Wes asked, putting a hand on Blaine's shoulder._

_He looked up and plastered on a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just, you know, a bit nervous."_

_Wes smiles slightly, the equivalent of a grin for him, and pats Blaine's shoulder. "He's a great guy, you know, and so are you. You're both really lucky."_

_Blaine's eyes widened and he looked up at Wes. "Really? You think so?"_

_"Of course, Blaine," he said, and for a moment there's just a sense of peace. Then Wes chuckled and took his hand off of Blaine's shoulder. "You two just had to get your heads out of your asses long enough to realize it."_

_Blaine rolled his eyes at Wes' crass language, but the trick worked. Thanks to Wes' words, his nerves were better._

_He could do this._

_***_

_They went on more dates, and Kurt seemed happy at McKinley. It hurt Blaine a little that Kurt could be so happy when they only got to see each other after school and on the weekends, but if Kurt was happy then that was all that mattered. Blaine could be brave for Kurt, could put on a brave face if that was what was needed._

_Then Prom happened, and Blaine almost shattered all over again._

_***_

_They were in the Lima Bean after Kurt returned from Nationals, Kurt going on and on about how exciting New York was when it_ hit _Blaine._ _For a moment he could only stare because he had finally realized the truth, the amazing and utter truth._

_He was in love._

_And as much as he tried, he couldn't keep it in. It slipped out as easily as anything else less earth-shattering might._

_"I love you."_

_For a single, infinite, dreaded moment Blaine's insides froze as Kurt didn't respond. He paused talking and just looked at Blaine for a moment._

_Just._

_Looked._

_And Blaine couldn't breathe and he was staring at Kurt and he was frozen in place and_

_-thiscan'tbehappening ohgoddidhescrewitup Kurtansweralreadyplease-_

_Kurt smiled and said, "I love you too."_

_Suddenly the world didn't seem so cold and dark anymore._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter are "Somewhere Only We Know" (Glee cover with BLAINE AND THE WARBLERS), and "Things We Lost In The Fire" by Bastille. (More the second one, the version by NightcoreReality on YouTube)
> 
> Oh, and DON'T WORRY! THE BOX SCENE STILL EXISTS IN MY 'VERSE!
> 
> Next chapter will take longer to update, as I actually have to rewatching season three to see what I want to keep and what I want to throw out. I have some of the chapter already written (WHEN BLAINE WAKES UP OMG), but the 'flashbacks' will take some work. So as always, review and if you guys have any ideas PLEASE send them my way.


	3. you broke me but i'm still here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to ckofshadows on fan fiction.net for the little Mermaid analogy that is the most awesome comparison ever for Klaine!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, apology ahead of time for lack of gifs and flashbacks until final scene. (And I'm sorry if the gif doesn't entirely fit, 'cause it's beautiful so WHO CARES?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I watched 4x07, "Dynamic Duets", where we saw official Blaine's side of the story, and I'd like to apologize to the official Season Four Blaine Anderson because of what I said about him beforehand.  
> I also rewatched 4x04, "The Breakup" with this story in mind and it broke. my. heart. Like, I couldn't stop crying. I went through half a box of tissues.  
> So now I'm going back and rewatching season 2 because all the best episodes are there.

_"You can’t get out of this one, Henry, you can’t get it out of me, and with this bullet_

_lodged in my chest, covered with your name, I will turn myself into a gun, because_

_it’s all I have,_

_because I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own."_

_-Richard Siken_ , Wishbone

 

 You saw my pain, washed out in the rain

Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins

But you saw no fault no cracks in my heart

And you knelt beside my hope torn apart

It takes three days for Blaine to wake up. Three horrible, nerve-wracking days during which Kurt refuses to go any farther from the couch (where Blaine's laid out unconscious) than the kitchen, so he can at least get food so he doesn't faint. Otherwise, he spends every moment at Blaine's side. Carole administers to Blaine's injuries and gets him to swallow antibiotics. His fever gradually decreases day by day, but his injured ribs and concussion keep him from waking up.

During the days that the Hudson-Hummel family waits for Blaine to wake up, all of Blaine's friends from McKinley come by. Everyone comes at least once, and Sam stays as close to Blaine's bed as Kurt all day during the weekend and after school on Monday. Kurt and Finn tell everyone what they know about what had happened since the previous Sunday when asked. Kurt, however, doesn't tell everyone the secrets only he and Blaine know, and he probably never will.

Every day that passes without change is a new level of hell for Kurt, as the longer Blaine goes without waking up the more likely it will be that Blaine won't ever wake up. 

  

So lead me back

Turn south from that place

And close my eyes to my recent disgrace

Blaine emerges from a haze, everything foggy and blurred. There's something warm cocooning him, and he hears familiar voices, though he can't distinguish separate ones yet. His head is pounding and it feels like it is stuffed with cotton balls. It hurts to think. Where the _hell_ is he?

"Sorry, guys, but he's still asleep."

The voice is rough around the edges but full of concern, the first he's able to distinguish. Whose is it, again?

Suddenly the familiar voice clicks with a name, and Blaine recognizes it as Finn's.

Wait. Finn's?

How is Finn here, wherever the heck _here_ is?

It seems to take forever for Blaine to peel apart his eyelids, but once he does he looks around. He blinks, taking in the familiar surroundings. He's in the Hummels' living room, laying on their sofa.

How did he get here?

Someone sighs. "I'm really sorry, Kurt. I know you can't stay much longer or that internship will fall through."

That's Sam's voice.

Wait...Kurt? _Kurt_? Why is Kurt here? Worry surges through Blaine, accompanied by throbbing pain behind his forehead.

"The internship doesn't matter, Sam."

The beautiful, clear voice falls across Blaine's ears like the greatest concerto ever written. That's Kurt's voice, here and near him, and...

 _What the hell happened_?

"Blaine is what matters- the only thing that matters. Just like I told you, I was stupid. _So_ stupid. I wasn't here for him the first time around, and I'm _not_ making the same mistake again. Not now, not _ever_."

A spoon clunks against the edge of a ceramic mug, and the voices pause as if giving Blaine a moment to digest. Why is Kurt staying with him? What does he mean, the first time...

Oh.

_Oh god._

Now he remembers- the pain of starvation clawing at his stomach, the attack on Tuesday when he was beaten up outside a gas station and his car was stolen, and eventually giving up Thursday night by the bridge. He remembers the strange fog that had filled his mind, the strange things he'd seen that looked like they were born of hell itself, and the eventual collapse and the sweet oblivion that had followed. He'd been dying, he's sure of it, but then how is he here at the Hummels' with Kurt home? It seems like heaven, like everything he's ever dreamed of.

Wait a moment.

Had he...called Kurt? That last, delirious memory rushes in, and Blaine groans. From what he can remember, he called Kurt and told him lots of things he shouldn't have. He can't remember it all, but he can remember the most important- he'd confessed to lying. No, _no,_ he'd given Kurt up and now he's ruined it! He'd let the love of his life go, because when you love someone you give them the best chance and Kurt deserves the very, _very_ best-

"Did you guys hear that?"

Finn's voice. A chair scrapes against wooden floor, followed by Sam saying "I'll check."

A few moments later he shows up at the doorway to the living room.

"Oh my god...Guys, he's awake!"

A crash is heard and Kurt appears at the door in a second, eyes wide. Blaine drinks in the sight of Kurt, shadows under his eyes but clothing impeccable though simple. A blue sweater that matches his eyes over top of a white shirt, black skinny jeans, and socked feet. Their eyes meet across the room as Blaine attempts to sit up, hazel and flickering green-gray drilling into each other. One pair filled with shame and regret and relief, and the other with despair and longing and frustration. Both endless pools of pain, emotional and physical, and love, though one won't accept the other's. Blaine breaks away from Kurt's gaze first, twisting awkwardly away as Sam reaches forward to try and help him prop himself up. Kurt doesn't move, frozen in the doorway. Finn, on the other hand, has no such qualms as he walks around Kurt and into the living room.

"Dude, you're awake!" He grins at Blaine, and the contrast between this Finn and the cold, distant Finn of the past few weeks is startling. Blaine looks at him in question, honestly confused.

"I thought you _hated_  me, Finn," he says, grinding out every horrible word that reminds him of how the most of the New Directions froze him out when he came back from that terrible night in New York. But he deserved it, right? He made them hate him. He made them _cold_.

Finn and Sam freeze, and the smile slips from Finn's face. The dry, hollow voice that comes from Blaine's lips startles them all, even himself. It's so different, so not Blaine, so completely _wrong._  The next harsh, grating words out of Blaine's mouth make the three other boys visibly flinch, though.

"Why are you all acting like you _care_?"

Blaine looks back at Kurt, who is sucking in a breath and has tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. Blaine hates himself now- if only he hadn't told Kurt the truth over the phone. Once again, he had been an idiot. There was a reason he'd let Kurt go in the first place, why he'd lied and painted himself the cheater, and he had just gone and screwed it up. Dammit, why couldn't he have just died like he was supposed to?

"You can't mean that. God fucking _damn_ it, man, you can't _possibly_  mean that."

Blaine's gaze flicks away from Kurt and over to Sam, and he realizes that he must have said that last part aloud. He looks back at Kurt, who now looks like he's having trouble breathing.

Blaine tears his eyes away from Kurt. He has to save the situation, has to make Kurt hate him again. He hopes that he didn't reveal too much in that phone conversation with Kurt- his memory of what he said is fuzzy at best, and he hopes he didn't say anything too damaging. He shakes his head, trying to answer Sam's question while ignoring the pounding in his head, the excruciating pain that spikes behind his eyes every time he moves. A low moan of pain escapes his lips, though, and Blaine curses his lack of self-control. He could handle pain and sickness before, fool everyone into thinking he was okay, so why can't he do it now? Is it because he's too weak, or is it because he's at Kurt's, _with Kurt_ , which he never thought he'd ever be able to do again?

"Why would I hate you, Blaine?"

Finn asks this time, and Blaine doesn't bother to look at him in order to answer the question. Instead he drops his gaze to his stomach and the sheets cocooning him. Underneath the layers of blankets and sheets his fingers scrabble weakly across the fabric, gripping for something to clench onto and squeeze all the pain out onto, and he hopes to whatever God may exist that his bottom lip isn't trembling. "Because I cheated on Kurt."

The lie comes out steady, calm and cool in a way Blaine _definitely_  didn't talk in before. He remembers the last time he 'confessed' to the sin- awkwardly bringing it up in a conversation that should have been happy, just him and Kurt in New York with 'Finchel' away talking on their own. It was his last moment seeing a smile on Kurt's face before Blaine hurt Kurt with his words, before he _destroyed_ and _ruined_ his life and the only love he's ever had.

"No, you didn't," Kurt says with an air of conviction as he softly pads across the carpet towards Blaine, "And I don't know how in _hell_ you convinced me you did before." Blaine resolutely stares at Kurt's feet, as he knows he can't handle looking Kurt in the eyes again. Kurt reaches out tentatively to rest a hand on Blaine's shoulder but Blaine flinches away before Kurt can make contact, hissing in pain as his head is jostled by the sudden movement.

"Don't touch me!" He cries, panicking. If Kurt touches him, he knows he won't be able to leave. Even now he craves Kurt's touch, every nerve in his body screaming out to curl up in Kurt's arms and sob, to let go of all his worries and let Kurt comfort him, and if he lets Kurt get near he knows he won't ever have the nerve to let go again. He's weak, his willpower broken, and _this-_  the prospect of Kurt having a happy ending with a beautiful family and a wonderful husband that's _not him_ \- is the only thing he cares about, the only thing keeping him from losing control. "Don't!"

Kurt whips his hand away as if he's touched a burning stove top, and Blaine doesn't miss the devastation in his face (it matches the devastation in his own soul). "Sorry, Blaine, I didn't mean-"

Blaine looks away, unable to bear the hurt look on Kurt's face and the knowledge that he put it there. He can feel his cheeks burning, and his head is throbbing, and Kurt's lips are ghosting over his forehead and cheek and _Damn everything_ , but it feels so good...

He snaps back to reality, where Kurt is kneeling next to the sofa with his hand held somewhere in the charged air between them, an unspoken offer of help and caring and _love_. He hasn't felt Kurt's lips against his skin for weeks, since their hello kiss in New York that dreadful night, and before that it was the first week of school, when they said goodbye at the airport before Kurt flew off to New York, to his dreams and to a bright future.

 _Without Blaine_.

And that moment, watching Kurt's plane take off with the lingering heat of Kurt's lips against his, was when Blaine had realized it. Blaine would only ever be an anchor dragging Kurt back to Ohio. This year he'd be useless- no, scratch that, worse than useless, because he'd be distracting Kurt from achieving success in New York and that was just _unacceptable_ to Blaine. He would only ever drag himself down, and if he sank he'd be the only one to drown. No one else could get hurt in the inevitable crash. This is the memory Blaine clings to right now, just as he did that horrible night when he lied. He knows he'll fall, but he doesn't want anyone else to fall with him.

"It's okay, Kurt," he says with a sigh, still not meeting Kurt's eyes, "Just...Leave me alone. I can't do this, not now, not _ever_." He lends emphasis to the last word because he knows it will have more effect. 

And Kurt doesn't respond, just slowly (painfully slowly) retracts his hand, and Blaine is left behind, buried in blankets but cold, oh so cold, without love or comfort.

* * *

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

Cause, oh, they gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright

The days go by as Blaine struggles to get better, his ribs healing and his infection going away. He feels more useless than ever, but somehow he finds himself smiling a bit more each day. The Hummels and his friends, at least one of which drops by after school each day to apologize and help out with his recovery, coax them out of him as if by magic.

Kurt works in the garage with his father and a part-time Finn, yet always seems to manage to find time to watch at least one Disney movie or musical with Blaine each day. At first it's passed in a semi-awkward silence, charged remnants of the first day's conversation hanging over them, but as the days go by Blaine starts to slowly, _achingly_  slowly, open up.

* * *

Little do you know

I need a little more time

It's understandable if Kurt is surprised when Blaine finally speaks to him again a few days later, breaking the silence they've had going.

"Why didn't you go back to New York, where all your dreams are?" Blaine asks quietly, his eyes fixed to the flat, colorful images flitting about on the TV screen. Kurt looks over at Blaine and gazes, searching, over the hard set of Blaine's features that juxtaposes the vulnerability in his hazel eyes. Kurt realizes that for once he's seeing the true Blaine Anderson, who is in truth only a broken-hearted boy who is terrified of being hurt again.

_Just like him._

Kurt hums a bit, thinking for the best way to say it. "Well," he says after a few moments, "It's like this. Ariel only ever dreamed about the humans, but when she fell in love with Eric there was nothing she wouldn't do for him. If Ariel was given the choice between going back into the water with Eric or staying on dry land alone, which one do you think she'd choose? After meeting Eric, legs and dry land would no longer seem so important anymore."

By this point Kurt is looking back at the screen, watching as Ursula sings "Poor Unfortunate Souls", so he ends up missing the way Blaine's face sags, his mouth dropping open in surprise as Kurt's words hit him. Kurt had just compared the two of them to Ariel and Eric, who he knows is Kurt's favorite Disney Prince of all time.

What did that _mean_?

* * *

Little do you know

I'm trying to make it better piece by piece

Sometimes it's not much that Blaine gives Kurt, not even a question and answer.

Like the time, a day later, when Blaine randomly says, "You know, I never got a good night's sleep without you here."

Kurt glances over him for one moment, then turns back to the TV without responding. He doesn't think either of them could handle it if Kurt tried to talk any more about the subject, not just yet.

* * *

Little do you know

I know you hurt while I'm sound asleep

At night Kurt finds that he can't sleep in his own bed knowing that Blaine is asleep on the couch (he'd refused to take the guest bedroom). Every night he tries, hopelessly, to sleep, but every time he lays down and closes his eyes he can only think of what Blaine looked like when he found him, broken and bloody. The few times he actually manages to get to sleep, nightmares plague his sleep. He has to go through horrible dreams in which he has to watch Blaine get attacked and die, or he relives his mother's death, or his father has another heart attack and doesn't wake up, or Finn dies in a gruesome car accident. Every night he watches as the people he loves die over and over.

Needless to say, Kurt has not gotten a lot of sleep since he found Blaine and brought him home. He often finds himself at the base of the sofa in the early hours of the morning without any idea of how he got there, just tiredly sitting by Blaine and wondering just where he went wrong. There had to have been some sign he missed back when they were in school together, some detail he didn't pick up on while they were dating. He blames himself, yes, for not doing anything, but he also wonders at the cause of it all.

He sits there each night, worries and regrets and questions turning in his brain, and gets no closer to figuring out any of the answers. Sooner or later, though, he always ends up back in bed. And only then, after a night full of the same unending questions and restless tossing and turning, does he finally fall into a fitful, unsatisfying slumber.

***

And Blaine notices, and he wonders _why_.  

* * *

I promise you don't have to be afraid,

I'll wait

The love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me

It gets to the point when everyone is just waiting for the tension to boil over. Something _has_ to happen, _has_ to give way. Everyone knows that Blaine and Kurt are treading carefully around each other, too afraid to take that final step and talk to each other.

Though Blaine hasn't explained to anyone yet why he lied about cheating on Kurt, they all know that he's innocent of infidelity. They're all dying, even Burt, to know why he did it, and none of them can even guess why. They all have their own theories, of course, each more insane than the next, but none of them are confident about an idea.

What everyone _is_ certain about, however, is that something _has_ to happen soon.

So when all the tension finally comes to a head, it's not a surprise to anyone except Kurt and Blaine.

***

It's the end of a long day working in the shop and Kurt is exhausted. All he wants to do is to grab something to eat, do his moisturizing routine, change into his pajamas, and collapse into bed (Well, he also wants to kiss Blaine good night, but that's not an option at the moment). At least he'll get a quiet evening- Finn's spending the night at Sam's finalizing some plans for Sectionals and Carole and his Dad decided to go on a date tonight. The only sound is that of music playing softly in the living room, and Kurt vaguely recognizes it as one of his Glee play lists, more specifically his Michael Playlist. Right now "Man in the Mirror" is playing, and he can hear Blaine's voice singing along quietly with it. Kurt smiles, remembering back to an easier time. Back then the most stressful issue in Kurt's life had been his NYADA audition. He'd had a great boyfriend and their worst problem had been an argument over whether Blaine was planning on wearing a bowtie or a tie to prom. They were winning Regionals and surrounded by tons of supportive friends.

Now...Well, now, things are as they are. Blaime and Kurt barely talk, and when they do it's through curt, succinct exchanges. Kurt's internship is gone, along with his life in New York, and worst of all, Blaine nearly _died,_  and though he's slowly recovering, he can't even walk to the restroom without help.

Kurt drops off his stuff on a kitchen chair and heads to the fridge as the music changes to an edgy beat. He opens it up and grabs a water bottle out. He's about to take a sip when a broken, terrified scream comes from the living room.

" _KURT! HELP!_ "

He drops the bottle and runs to the sound.

***

Blaine is sitting on the floor, his back against the sofa and his shoulders wrapped in a blanket, when the song "Man in the Mirror" comes on Kurt's Ipod, which he always left plugged in when he went out to work in the garage. He begins singing along under his breath, closing his eyes. He's _so_ tired nowadays, so drained and exhausted. He used to curl into Kurt's arms when he felt like this, but that's not an option anymore. Instead he just lets the music sweep over him and wash the pain away. It's all he can do.

He's so out of it he barely notices when the song changes. Then-

 

_He left bloodstains on the carpet_

 

 **Shatter**.

 

There goes his composure, his calm and peace. Everything's gone, breaking and falling into an endless void of _pain_.

 

_Red. Red and black everywhere._

_"Stop it! Stop it, please!"_

Crack _. Everything jerked to the side._

 

He's screaming, back in the present. Words, a name, _something_ is coming out of his mouth. Footsteps. Pounding footsteps. Someone is coming.

 

**Fall.**

**Shatter.**

 

_He could taste blood in his mouth, metallic and thick._

_It hurt to breathe, to move at all._

_He was unable to do anything as a hand swooped in and ripped off his jacket, pawing through his pants pockets for money. He was barely able to process what was happening._

 

_You were struck down, it was your doom_

 

Someone is sitting beside him, calling out his name. He wants to go to that person, to reach out, but he can't. He's frozen in a state of panic and pain, unable to do anything but let out the scream that's locked in his throat, threatening to choke him if he doesn't get it out.

 

**Breaking,**

**Falling.**

 

Tentative arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling into a warm, familiar chest.

He can't struggle anymore. He has no will; he's too tired. It's all too much- he's too weak, the place is too warm, the feeling of safety too welcoming. He can't stand holding back any longer.

 

_Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?_

 

_Pain. Red faded into black as unconsciousness overtook him. Pain, pain, more pain- his world shrank to a pinpoint._

_Then, it disappeared completely._

 

_You've been hit by, you've been struck by a smooth criminal_

 

 **Fallen** ,

A shadow unnoticed against the endless night.

 

So instead of flinching away from the arms around him, he deflates and sags into someone else's touch.

He lets himself collapse into warmth and comfort, letting all his walls fall down at once.

He lets the tears fall as he begins to sob openly, gasps of phantom pain mingling with loud, wrenching cries of sorrow and regret.

 

 _The song finally stops_.

 

A familiar voice whispers against his hair, a different song playing through the air. It sounds broken, upset and exhausted, but strong as ever.

It's _home._

 

" _Nothing's gonna harm you_

_Not while I'm around..."_

 

He can feel a hand brushing his curls out of his face. It isn't much, but it is the first time anyone else has touched him in a long time, and he's forgotten how good it can feel.

His frantic breathing at last starts to slow down as he breathes in the smell of motor oil and...mint. His fingers clench at the fabric of the coveralls he's curled up into.

 

" _Being close and being clever_

_Ain't like being true._

_I don't need to..."_

 

The voice is soothing, calming his thumping heartbeat and smoothing his tattered nerves. His fingers slowly start to loosen up as he takes deep breaths, trying to banish the memories from his mind. He's alive, and he's safe. He's no longer on the streets, bleeding to death. He's in a warm, safe house, wrapped in Kurt's arms...

 

_"I would never,_

_Hide a thing from you..."_

 

Oh god.

 _Kurt's_  arms.

For a moment he stiffens, a spike of ice reaching his heart.

How did he let this happen?  _How_ did he let himself relax and seek comfort in the one place he _never_ should have gone?

 

_"Like some..._

_Demons will charm you_

_With a smile for a while..."_

 

 _It doesn't matter anymore,_ he decides.

He's too tired to do anything about it. The pain is too great, and he's spent too long holding himself back and refusing to let himself seek any comfort. He can give himself this, let himself have this warmth and protection from the dark memories.

So he lets go of his inhibitions, and he relaxes into Kurt's arms.

 

_"But in time nothing can harm you_

_Not while I'm around..."_

 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics are from "Little Do You Know" by Alex & Sierra and "Ghosts That We Knew" by Mumford & Sons.
> 
> Songs mentioned in final scene are "Smooth Criminal" and "Man in the Mirror" from the episode "Michael" and "Not While I'm Around" from the episode "Bash".
> 
> Also, please tell me if this plotline makes any sense.


	4. tell me there's still a chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly to fill in the gaps that have showed up previously in the story to explain how Kurt went from resenting Blaine during their break-up to being willing to, once again, do anything to save Blaine and make everything up to him. This is a study into their relationship, which should helpfully explain more into this 'verse.  
> It's also an excuse to use these ADORABLE gifs.
> 
> Also, remember that the whole issue with Chandler DID NOT happen in this 'verse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote half of this at two a.m. last night. Forgive me if it makes no sense.
> 
> Head canon for this AU: Blaine actually requested the song Control. It wasn't only Quinn's declaration to the world, it was his attempt at telling his parents that their opinions didn't matter. It obviously didn’t work, but for awhile it gave him courage.

_"Alone._

_Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue._

_Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym."_

_-Stephen King,_ 'Salem's Lot

 

Weep for yourself, my man,

You'll never be what is in your heart

Weep, little lion man,

You're not as brave as you were at the start

As he hangs up after his conversation with Finn, replacing his phone on the desk, so many emotions swirl through Kurt's heart. Concern and fear and worry mix in a horrible, depressing soup whenever he thinks about how Blaine hasn't been seen by anyone in three days, that it's starting to snow in Ohio and Blaine could be out on the streets. What Blaine has done to him, how he's betrayed his trust, doesn't trump the all-too-human worry about Blaine's life. Blaine saved his life back in junior year- Kurt has no idea what he'd have done if the hell that was his life had continued as it had. Without Blaine, his life would have pressed on as it had- a cold, colorless world where he survived day to day. His only focus had been surviving to the end, rather than actually _living_  and _thriving_ (Kind of like he's doing now, if he thinks about it). It was such a difference from his time with Blaine- life had been colorful, everything bright and vibrant. Glee club had been something he could actually _enjoy,_  rather than just a distraction from the hell his life became when he stepped out of the choir room.

Everything had been better with Blaine.

Kurt's hand trembles a little as he moves the mouse around the screen. He looks down at it, startled by the image that pops into his mind of Blaine trembling like that, shaking in the cold of an Ohio winter. Despite his greatest efforts, he does at least still _care_ about Blaine. Blaine was his best friend as well as his boyfriend, and even before they'd first kissed had been the nicest, most genuine person he'd ever met. He'd always been, from the first moment Kurt talked to him until they parted at the airport when Kurt had headed to New York. Blaine had been honest but polite, kind to everyone and always the first person to volunteer to help out when someone needed it. He hated seeing anyone sad and would do anything to cheer someone else up and could rouse a group to action even when he himself was low. He made a point to be strong for others even when he himself was breaking inside.

Kurt had only seen him vulnerable and broken a few times, the biggest one he could think of being the time during his senior year when he and Blaine had been kissing and Blaine had suddenly flinched away when Kurt had touched his hip. Kurt had stopped, concerned at both Blaine's behavior and also at how bony his hip had felt under Kurt's fingers, and asked what was wrong.

At first Blaine had been hesitant to open up and tell him, but eventually had broken down and told him that he didn't want Kurt to feel, as Blaine had worded it, "his flabby stomach".

Kurt remembers Blaine's chilling words to this day.

_"I wanted to be perfect for you, Kurt. You deserve the best, and I want to look the best for you. I know how much you care about that and I wanted to make you happy."_

Kurt had nearly puked at the thought that this was what Blaine thought of him, that this is what Blaine had done to be 'perfect'. He'd been quick to reassure him that this wasn't what he'd wanted, that all he'd ever wanted from Blaine was that Blaine be happy and healthy, and that he didn't care one bit about how Blaine looked as long as he took care of himself. He'd told Blaine that he thought that Blaine was perfect as he was, that Blaine was the most beautiful person he'd ever met, both inside and out. Blaine hadn't exactly looked as if he'd believed Kurt, but after constant reassurances over the next few weeks (and then months), he'd slowly gone back to normal.

Kurt bites his lip as he pauses working and tries to decide what to do. Blaine's betrayal had hurt him (is still hurting him, if he's telling the truth), but that doesn't change the nearly two years they've spent saving each other. If Blaine is in trouble then he has to help. He can't concentrate anyway- his vision is starting to blur with tears and he can't focus on what fashion is up-and-coming when Blaine could be _dying_  back in Ohio.

He picks up his phone, goes to messages, and selects Finn's number. He types out a text to his brother and sends it, hitting the SEND button with an intensity he's never felt before.

**I'm booking a flight to Ohio tonight. I'll see you by Friday. We have to make sure Blaine's okay.**

* * *

But it was not your fault but mine

And it was your heart on the line

He heads to Traveler's Bridge by himself. The call from Blaine has reminded him of everything he's tried to forget over the past few horrible weeks- how much he loved Blaine, how little they both were without each other, and how absolutely terrible his life is without Blaine compared to when they were together. All of his feelings are painfully intense right now, so overwhelming that he could barely hold it together to call his father and tell him where he was going. He couldn't tell his father, who he trusted more than maybe anyone else, why he is doing what he is doing. He couldn't explain it to himself, much less to anyone else, but he knows that what he is doing is the right choice. Blaine is dying, but most importantly, he is alone.

And that was something that they'd promised each other they'd never let happen. They'd promised each other, long ago, that they'd be there until the end. Kurt wipes a tear from underneath of his eye as he recalls what Blaine had promised him last Christmas when he gave Kurt the promise ring.

_"To always love you. To defend you, even if I know you're wrong. To surprise you. To always pick up your phone call, no matter what I'm doing. To bake you cookies at least twice a year. To kiss you wherever and whenever you want. But mostly just to make sure that you remember how perfectly imperfect you are."_

And how has he repaid him? By being busy during Blaine's phone calls, by doubting his loyalty, by not paying attention to his problems, and by not being there when he needs it most. He's left Blaine alone, and now his very _life_ is in danger.

Kurt swears to himself that if he can find Blaine in time to save him, if Blaine will accept him back, if he can _ever_ make up for everything he's done wrong to Blaine, then he will never let him go again. He'll make the same promise to Blaine, and he will fulfill every word of it. He will die before he lets Blaine think of himself like this again, before he lets Blaine get hurt. He will love Blaine unconditionally, and he will do anything to make sure that Blaine _knows_ that he is loved.

Because there is no one that Kurt has ever loved as much as he loves Blaine, and there never will be anyone who deserves to be loved that much ever again.

* * *

Tremble for yourself, my man,

You know that you have seen this all before

Tremble, little lion man,

You'll never settle any of your scores

How did this happen? How could Kurt have let it get to this point, let the love of his life nearly _die_?

Kurt sits there next to Blaine, waiting for him to wake up. He barely moves except to change and to eat. He sleeps on the floor next to Blaine, and _damn_ his moisturizing routine because if he isn't here when Blaine wakes up then he'll never forgive himself. The kitchen is as far as he'll allow himself to go, and the bathroom's thankfully just around the corner. His trips are a minute long at most.

He spends all his time sitting next to Blaine, quietly waiting. He'll help Carole when she needs it, and he'll move slightly to the side when she asks, but otherwise he just...sits there, not moving much, next to the sofa as he waits for Blaine to wake up. Every moment he waits is agonizing, every heartbeat torturous, because this could be Blaine's _last_ or could be the moment he _finally_ wakes up. With every slight breath Kurt's hopes are raised and then dashed when nothing changes, when Blaine stays unconscious and unresponsive.

There's nothing Kurt wants more than for Blaine to wake up and still love him, or at least just wake up and be okay. Hell, at this rate he'd be okay with just being able to hold his hand and know that there's a chance, someday, that they could be friends again, but he can't even do that because Blaine needs to be kept under layers of blankets until his fever breaks, to help keep his body warm so it can kill the infection that has made its home inside of him, and Kurt can't even hold his hand.

But he'll be here. He has to be, if he can ever start to forgive himself.

* * *

Your grace is wasted in your face,

Your boldness stands alone among the wreck

Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own tongue

"Why didn't I just die like I was supposed to?"

Kurt's thoughts stutter to a halt.

 _No. Blaine,_ no.

 _You can't think...I mean, you just_ can't _..._

Kurt can't breathe, can't respond, can't do anything as Sam voices his thoughts to the rest of the group. What has happened, that Blaine would say that? What did his parents say or do, or what happened while he was gone that makes him think that way?

Kurt just wants to lunge forward and hug Blaine, to reassure him that if he dies it will _kill_ Kurt, but he can't move. The way Blaine looks at him, so angry yet guilt-ridden, it forces him away, forces him to give Blaine space.

Kurt's not sure he'll be able to stay away, though.

He tries, but it's _so_ hard, and then Blaine _yells_ at him to 'Don't touch me!" and Kurt just wants to _die_. Every word from Blaine's lips and every rejection absolutely _kills_ Kurt, and as he pulls his hand away slowly from Blaine it's like someone has slid a red-hot dagger between his ribs and carved out his heart.  _  
_

* * *

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear?

Didn't I...

He reaches Blaine, finally, and finds him curled in on himself, screaming. It's no longer words coming out, but instead a scream of anguish and pain. Kurt kneels down next to Blaine, trying to figure out what to do. His hands don't know where to go, his body at a loss for how to comfort the broken boy in front of him. Blaine is screaming, body shuddering in pain, and _there's nothing he can do_. He can only watch helplessly as Blaine falls and shatters in front of him like a porcelain doll that has been thrown to the ground by an angry child.

And he realizes with a start that child is _him_.

He has to do something to fix this, to help right what he did to get them into this situation. So he leans down and tentatively wraps his arms around Blaine's, pulling the still screaming, unseeing senior into his arms. He casts around desperately, searching for what triggered the screaming. There's no blood or weapons, and the TV's not on, so what could- oh, god. The music.

_You've been hit by, you've been struck by a smooth criminal_

Blaine collapses as the last screams leave his mouth, sinking into Kurt's arms. He clutches onto the front of Kurt's shirt like Kurt is his only anchor to reality. The blanket slips off his shoulders as he curls into Kurt's embrace, sobs wracking his body as he buries his head under Kurt's.

Kurt shifts just slightly, grabbing at the Ipod with his foot and slamming it off. At the moment he's so pissed at his normally beloved music that he could smash it into a million pieces and be fine with it. Blaine noticeably relaxes (though he doesn't stop sobbing) as it cuts off, and Kurt has tears in his eyes as he sees what life has finally brought the invincible Blaine Anderson to. Gone is the façade of courage and leadership that led Kurt to Dalton, gone is the Katy Perry fan boy and the football enthusiast, gone is the dorky superhero nerd and sweet romantic, and gone is the final layer of the polite, kind prep school boy Blaine always reverts back to in emergencies. There is only Blaine Anderson stripped to his very core, a broken, vulnerable boy who is all of those things yet none of them at the same time. This is the essence of the boy Kurt fell in love with, "the man without the product".

This is Blaine Devon Anderson, who Kurt swore he'd protect and help and comfort and love for all of eternity.

So Kurt does the only thing he knows how to do in this hopeless situation- he sings. He tries to sing away Blaine's pain and soothe away his suffering, tries to heal his wounds and mend what's broken inside. He knows it won't be enough- it will _never_ be enough- but he hopes it is something.

_"But in time nothing can harm you_

_Not while I'm around..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter are "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons and "Heroes" covered by Glee in the episode "Dynamic Duets".


	5. and i will give you all i have left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHO CARES IF THE GIF TAKES PLACE IN THE AUDITORIUM IT'S ADORABLE AND BEAUTIFUL AND SCREW THE BACKGROUND OF THE SCENE AND JUST FEEL THE KLAINE FEELS
> 
> *clears throat* Sorry about that. Let's start.

_"The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive,_

_but in finding something to live for."_

_-Fyodor Dostoyevsky_

 

Tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you

Tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Eventually Blaine falls asleep in Kurt's arms and Kurt doesn't complain. His back starts to hurt, but he doesn't give a shit because if it means he can hold Blaine for a little longer he'll damn well take it. He's missed this, this feeling of closeness, of being able to comfort each other by just being there.

He smiles a bit painfully, running his fingers through Blaine's curls. The gesture is so familiar- he's been doing it for the past hour or so, to calm Blaine down- and so _right_ , but he knows he won't be able to do it anymore after Blaine wakes up; in fact, Blaine probably won't want Kurt within five feet of him after this.

***

Later that night, after Kurt has fallen asleep still holding on to Blaine, Finn comes in. For once, he doesn't ask anything. He just grabs Blaine's pillow from the sofa and props Kurt's back up with it, then wraps the two of them in a blanket. He knows something major has changed, even if he has no idea what, and he'll let them deal with it. In the meantime, he'll just take care of Kurt and make sure he's okay.

For a moment he stops, thinking about when he and Rachel used to do that, when they had been close like that. It hurts to know that even if Blaine lied abut cheating, Rachel didn't. She went to New York and moved on from him, and he can't deny that it hurts, especially after everything they've been through together. They'd nearly been married, after all! How had she have gone from the bliss of their engagement to this, leaving him broken-hearted and alone while she moved on with her life?

Then Finn heads back to his room and plays video games until he falls asleep. Emotions take a lot out of a guy.

***

Blaine wakes up first.

As he slowly pulls himself out of the haze of sleep and dreams of better days he finds that despite the ache in his ribs, he feels better than he has in ages. It's like the regret and frustration and longing he's been carrying around actually carried weight and most of that has drained out. There's still some weight left, obviously, but something's changed.

He opens his eyes and finds himself tucked into someone's chest, someone who is most likely asleep judging by the deep, unbroken rhythm of the chest rising and falling. He looks up, curious, and finds Kurt's face, his falling-over-hair painting shadows across his cheeks.

Blaine carefully extracts one arm from Kurt's grasp and gently touches Kurt's cheek. His gaze trails over Kurt's face, taking in the crease of worry in Kurt's forehead and the subtle tilt downward of his lips. Blaine can't help but remember the many mornings he's woken up next to Kurt, the two of them curled together with expressions of love on their lips. Those nights had been the ones where Blaine had forgotten all about his parents and everything wrong in his life, Kurt's love the only thing that mattered. And then, at school when he had to return to real life, at least when he was with Kurt everything was not necessarily perfect, but at least _normal_ \- which is the one thing he's always wished for more than anything. Falling in love with Kurt has been one of the best things that's ever happened to him (maybe _the_ best), and sitting here, Kurt's breath ghosting across his face, Blaine's struggling to remember why he ever let this amazing man go.

"I'm sorry," he chokes out quietly, a tear falling down his cheek. Kurt stirs a little in his sleep and Blaine withdraws his hand from Kurt's face quickly, but Kurt stops shifting after a moment and returns to a deep sleep.

"He knows, kid," a rough, familiar voice says, and Blaine looks up past Kurt to find Burt Hummel standing next to the television with a small smile on his face.

Blaine bites his lip but can't keep the question from escaping. "Knows what?"

"He knows you're sorry for lying. He isn't entirely sure why you did it- hell, none of us are- but I can tell that he at least has an idea why. Won't tell me, but it's probably something to do with your parents, right?" Blaine blinks up at him, eyes owlishly large, and Burt would be chuckling at the look of shock on the boy's face if it wasn't for the seriousness of what they're talking about. "Anyway, like I said, he knows you're sorry and he forgives you for it. You had your reasons and he accepts them." The smile slips from Burt's face, replaced by a kind of stern frown. "And he's been beating himself up over it, kid, whatever it is. Please, for both of your sakes, just talk to him, okay? Up until whatever happened in New York a few weeks ago, the time since he met you has been the happiest he's ever been. And from the time I've spent with you over the past year or so compared to what Sam has described of the past few weeks, the same can be said about you in regards to him." Burt smiles again, that easy yet genuine grin that puts everyone at ease. "You're a good kid, Blaine. You're not perfect, of course, but no one is. I don't want you hurt anymore than I want Kurt hurt. Just remember that you'll always have a place here with us."

And with that, Burt turns and walks back to his bedroom, leaving Blaine in the embrace of a slowly waking Kurt. Kurt blinks open his eyes, and when he sees Blaine awake he whips his arms away from Blaine, rambling, "I'm sorry, Blaine, I didn't mean it, I just heard you screaming and-"

Blaine cuts him off by putting a hand over Kurt's lips. He can't help but notice that hand as he starts to speak. It's trembling slightly, but doesn't move, kind of like him in that regard. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I've been thinking about it a lot over the past few days, and between everything that happened yesterday and what you dad told me while you were asleep, I've realized something. I've been incredibly selfish. I've never been the kind of guy who liked taking risks. Falling in love with you scared me, and then letting go terrified me beyond belief. All throughout junior year I was scared that I wasn't good enough, that you would go to New York and forget about me and choose some guy over me. I was so scared, in fact, that I terrified myself so badly by what I saw was inevitable that I forced myself into believing that it would actually be _better_  if you fell in love with someone else." Blaine takes a deep breath and takes one of Kurt's hands with his unoccupied one, entwining their fingers together like always, and finds the strength to continue.

"But I'm _finally_ realizing that it was never my job to decide that for you. You cared enough to answer my call and listen to my delirious ramblings, drove all the way out to Traveler's Bridge, and then took care of me over the past few days. I still don't know how I deserve anyone's love, much less yours, but I'm willing to try and work to find out." He looks up at Kurt and gives him a small but sincere smile. "I'm still a little scared of you, of what you mean, but in truth I'm scared of everything. So I may be scared of loving you, but I don't care anymore. I don't care because courage doesn't mean being fearless- it means having the strength to push past fear and do what's right. And you, Kurt, _you_ give me that strength."

Then he shifts his hand off of Kurt's lips and to his cheek, hand shaking only slightly, cradling Kurt's face just as he did the first time they kissed. For a moment he stares into Kurt's flickering eyes before leaning in and gently, lovingly, capturing Kurt's lips with his own. His grip on Kurt's arm loosens and Kurt's arms gravitate up to their rightful spot around Blaine's neck.

The kiss isn't sexual in any way. It is not electricity or fireworks, but instead something deep, molten rock hidden deep in a heart that is slowly moving to fit into an old but new equation. It is two souls meeting each other, finding each other in a universe that has kicked them both down over and over again and tried to keep them apart. It is two souls, broken and in pain and seeking solace from the storm, fighting to stop the pain but too in love to let go. It is desperate and full of longing, something between passion and familial love. It is _real_.

It is Kurt and Blaine, finding each other again. 

* * *

It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most

Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes

There's no dollar sign on a peace of mind, this I've come to know

They can't just go back to the way they were before. There is too much between them, too many truths exposed and too many hearts broken. Blaine has to go back to school at some point after his body heals, and Kurt has to do _something_. New York is no longer his dream, both he and Blaine can agree on that. Too much has changed for either of them to want go back to New York to pursue their dreams, and besides, their dreams have changed a little. Or in Blaine's case, a lot.

In one of the many conversations that follows the one after Blaine's flashback, Blaine admits that his true dream was never actually the stage. He loves it- it had gotten him through a very, very horrible time in his life- and he would probably have been fine pursuing it, don't get him wrong, but it's not where he truly belongs.

"I want to be a teacher and help kids like me," he finishes explaining nervously at dinner one night, automatically tensing as he awaits a response. He loves Kurt and the rest of the Hummel-Hudson family, don't get him wrong, but it's instinct to prepare for a scathing insult whenever he says something new about himself. He knows consciously that none of Kurt's family would never act like his parents, never say anything mean intentionally, but there's still that voice in the back of his head that warns him away from other people, tells him not to get involved. He's getting better at ignoring it, but when he's been living through this for years and he's _still_  a bit shocked that Kurt and his family actually even _care_  it doesn't always work.

Oh well. Courage, right?

Kurt somehow senses his anxiety and squeezes his hand reassuringly under the table (It's almost normal, the action) as Carole replies with, "That sounds fantastic, Blaine!"

Blaine is still getting used to this, eating dinner with people who don't either sit in silence the whole time or take every chance to pound in his worthlessness. He's gone to Friday night dinners before, of course, and the Hummel-Hudsons had been just as friendly then, but it's different now that he eats dinner with them every night and sleeps in their guest bedroom. It's been three weeks since he was mugged and left for dead, and two since he and Kurt reconciled. Last week he moved from the sofa to the guest bedroom, pronounced by Carole to be well enough to return to school but that he had "to take it easy, darling, because too much effort might cause a relapse".

He and Kurt are still pretty chaste with their touches. Yes, everything's out in the open now- the result of many quiet conversations in the days after Blaine's confession- but they're different people now. It used to be so easy to give away open-mouthed kisses and have sex with each other, but now every touch between the two of them carries the extra weight of knowledge. Everything is more intimate now. A simple brush of fingertips is a reminder that Blaine is alive, and a slight nudge of the shoulders proves that Kurt is here and not in New York. Though they often find excuses to brush up against each other, of kisses there are very few and only quick pecks on the cheek at that. They haven't kissed on the mouth since that morning. During the day they are quietly affectionate, slowly tiptoeing towards how they used to be. They draw smiles from Carole and Burt, though, as the way both boys' faces light up around each other is a sign that they are slowly getting back to normal.

At night, however, things take a darker turn.

Neither can sleep by themselves anymore, plagued by nightmares that leave them waking up in a cold sweat, sometimes shouting and sobbing and sometimes shocked into silence, unable to say a thing. Blaine's are worse and more numerous, nearly always ending in him screaming into his pillow and thrashing beneath his blankets, but Kurt's nightmares, both of the night he found Blaine and old ones that have resurfaced from long ago, ones of his junior year, are still bad enough to keep him up all night when he sleeps by himself. More often than not they end up in bed with each other, Kurt curled around Blaine, fingers interlaced and breathing, for once, quiet and steady. Nothing like _that_ happens, and being in each other's arms helps keep the nightmares at bay if only for a little while. It is warm there in each other's arms, and there they can forget about all the horrors they've both experienced. 

(Blaine moved into Kurt's room a few nights ago. No one's arguing- they all know that it's innocent, that Blaine and Kurt won't be doing anything Burt wouldn't approve of. In fact, Burt and Carole would rather have Blaine sleeping in Kurt's room if it means they can get rid of the dark circles under his eyes and the pallidness that underlays his skin.)

And then they have times like now, in which they can sit at the dinner table with _their_ family (Burt insisted on Blaine calling them that, and _boy_ had Blaine's cheeks gone red when Burt had told Blaine, straight up, that he was glad that all his three of his boys were safe and sound and that he would always have a place with them), hold hands under the table, and smile loving smiles at each other without worry of insult or prejudice.

They're getting better. It's a slow process, but they're getting somewhere, finally.

Kurt just hopes it will last.

* * *

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise. 

It's been a few months now. Blaine is settled back into school and Kurt is rehearsing for the role of Mark in the Westerville Theatre's production of _Rent_ while working at his dad's shop when Burt's working in D.C. New York may no longer be important, but he still loves to act and sing, of course. He's redefining what he's thinking of doing with his life, working on applying to some Ohio Liberal Arts colleges, but he can't stay away from the stage for long.

(He's _Kurt Elizabeth Hummel_ , after all.)

They're doing much better now. Blaine only has nightmares every few days now, and he's made up the school work he missed in the weeks he was gone with the help of Sam and Kitty. He's helped establish a "Super Secret Society of Superheroes" to protect the halls of McKinley High (and yes, Kurt _did_ laugh when shown the costume Tina made for Blaine's superhero character, but he ended up kissing Blaine and helped him pick out a name) and made it through therapy. Kurt and him have progressed almost back to where they were before New York, and it still means so much now whenever they exchange "I love you"s before school. Blaine still gets nervous when talking to people about personal things lately, but he's still so much more open than before and Kurt and everyone else can't help but like this Blaine even better than the old one. They've been doing so well, are so close to being something so close to normal, or as normal as can be for someone in their situation.

So why has this despicable man come along and brought back all the horrible memories with him?

Burt is at a political banquet he's required to attend as a congressman. Kurt is at home, he and Kitty helping each other practice their songs (hers for the week's assignment and his for his upcoming audition at Baldwin Wallace), Finn is hanging out with their friends, and Carole is at work, so he's here with Blaine. Blaine had pleaded to come to along with him as he wanted to learn more about how politics worked (Burt had no idea why, but the kid had been excited about it and after what he'd told them about his life before they'd taken him in, Burt is ready to give him anything under the sun to show that they care), so he's here with Burt and up until a minute ago, the kid had been having fun talking to the pro-LGBT socialites Burt had introduced him to. There hadn't been many (It's _Ohio_ , for Pete's sake) but the few they'd talked to had been enjoyable. They'd both been enjoying themselves, and Burt had been so happy to see the (slightly nervous, but that's understandable) smile on Blaine's face.

Until they overhear  _that man_ 's comment, loud enough that they can hear it from ten feet away, and Blaine freezes, grin dropping away to reveal a look of pure terror. The voice of the man speaking is one of disdain, as if he's speaking about something less than dirt.

"Look, Amelia, it's that _fag_ we got rid of. Thought he'd be dead by now- what a pity."

Fingers clenching around his glass of water (Blaine is just as stubborn as Kurt on what kinds of foods and drinks Burt's allowed to eat and drink) as he turns, Burt's ready to _murder_ whoever spoke about one of his boys like that. Then he sees the hard face of the man who just spoke, as well as the features of the woman standing next to him, and the full weight of the words the man's spoken and the terror on Blaine's face sinks in.

Because those are _Blaine's_  height and nose on that woman, as well as his hazel eyes, though lacking the familiar warm twinkle, and that man has _Blaine's_ old gel-slicked curls (Blaine no longer wears his curls encased in their gel prison), as well as his jawline and famous eyebrows. The truth hits Burt in an instant, because though he may not be brilliant he can connect the obvious dots and _those people are Blaine's parents_ , the people behind Blaine's constant look of nervousness when talking to an adult, as if nothing he says is worth approval...

(And now Burt's blood is boiling)

_and his flinching away from anything remotely personal..._

(And his thoughts are coming faster and faster, each more infuriating and hate-inducing than the next)

_and the reason why Blaine believed himself unworthy of love and ended up breaking both his and Burt's boy's hearts in the mistaken belief that he'd be better off without him..._

(And now Burt's certain that the thought of helping Blaine calm is the only thing keeping him from going over and punching Mr. Anderson in the nose)

 **_and the only_ ** _fucking_ **_reason Blaine was out on the streets the night he was mugged and nearly_ ** _DIED._ **_  
_**

And then he loses what little self-control he has left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs are "Blackbird" cover by the Glee cast in the episode "Original Song" (AS IF ANY OF US COULD FORGET *fangirls*), "The Scientist" from the episode "The Breakup", and "Chicken Fried" by the Zac Brown Band.
> 
> What happened to Blaine's parents in the months between the first scene and the last will be explained in the next chapter. Also, justice will come for our Blainers (because the American system of law is not /that/ screwed up). Sorry if you felt like I moved too fast, but I was going to end with the kiss and then I realized that /I/ would have been angry if a writer left that many plot lines open (but the answers will hopefully still make sense, unlike Season six, and if they're as unbelievable for this AU as season six was for the actual show then you have permission to come through your screens and slap some sense into me). Also, I'm going to post some one-shots that follow the months described in this chapter. Some will follow the original Season Four, some will of course not.


	6. for i will always love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait! I lost inspiration for this particular part of the storyline and worked on the rest, but I'm back. Sorry if this chapter isn't up to the standards of the rest.
> 
> Also, anyone who wants to join the "slap Mr. Anderson upside the head" club raise your hand.  
> *raises fifty hands, and feet*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work, but eh. It's finally done!!!! I can work on the rest of the series without this hanging over my head.

_“What made me love thee? let that persuade thee_

_there's something extraordinary in thee. I cannot: but I love thee; none_

_but thee; and thou deservest it.”_

-William Shakespeare

 

And this is why my eyes are closed

It's just as well for all I've seen

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

"What the _hell_ did you just say?" Burt raises his voice. He notices that a few people are turning to look, but he doesn't care. This man needs to be put into place- _no one_  deserves to have their parents talk about them like that, especially someone as nice as Blaine. And not only that, but Burt realizes as he's looking at Mr. Anderson, this calm, put-together man, that this man _hit_ Blaine, slapped him hard enough to bruise the poor boy's face and send him running away to nearly die.

"I said that I thought he'd be dead by now. He ran away instead of facing me like a man- coward. I'm sorry no one killed him after he ran away," Mr. Anderson replies, back straightening, "I should have known once those boys failed to straighten him out no one could."

Mr. Anderson's words make Burt angrier than he's ever been before. There are no words to describe how much he wants to punch this man right now. It's not just the words, as horrible as they are- it's that this man can say them to his own son and make Blaine revert back to how broken and vulnerable he was all those months ago. Just a moment ago Blaine was happy, talking about his relationship with Kurt and going to U of M with Kitty and his interest in teaching music with equal enthusiasm, but now his head is bowed and smile nonexistent, gone to some dark, deep place inside him where he hid it when he first showed up back at the Hummel house after running away from his parents.

"Excuse me," Burt says, "But _what_ did you just say about Blaine?"

Mr. Anderson looks over at him with a look of disdain. "And why do you care?" He asks haughtily.

"Because he's a part of my family," Burt says, and he doesn't miss the look of grateful surprise the teen next to him gives him.

Mr. Anderson snorts. "A part of _your_  family? Whoever you are, you're stupid to let this fag into your family. He's _worthless_." Out of the corner of his eye Burt sees Blaine flinch, and his blood boils. "He can't do anything right."

Burt puts a hand on Blaine's trembling shoulder. Blaine flinches before relaxing under the light touch. "You're the stupid one if you think Blaine is worthless. He's one of the nicest, smartest, most sincere people I've ever met. He's been accepted to U of M for their School of Education and his Glee Club is going to Regionals in a few weeks. He's an amazing kid. Oh, and for your information, my name is Burt Hummel."

Mr. Anderson raises an eyebrow. "The congressman with the gay son?"

Burt nearly gapes. The man doesn’t even recognize him as the father of his son's first and only boyfriend? "I never told him anything about Kurt. It would only give him an excuse to insult more people," Blaine says quietly as if he knows what Burt is thinking, and Burt blinks, shocked.

For the first time Mr. Anderson's eyes flick to his son. Up until this point he has been ignoring Blaine, acting as if he is nothing but air, but now he almost _glares_  at the boy, a strict expression on his face, "What have I told you about interrupting your betters?" He reprimands his son, and Blaine shrinks back. His mouth opens, and Burt can almost see him about to begin an apology that Mr Anderson _does not_ derserve.

"Don't speak to him like that!" Burt seethes, "He can say whatever the hell he wants. And as for betters, you're certainly not one."

Mr. Anderson straightens, his glare turning onto Burt. "I am by far his better, Congressman. He's an aberration on my family's name, just like his brother, but at least his brother did that acting thing of his honestly. Blaine's a worthless, cowardly _slut_. He's probably whoring himself out even now for money and a place to stay."

Burt's vision goes red, but before he can say anything someone interrupts. "Anderson, I think you and your wife need to leave now," says the voice of Al Motta, the host of the banquet, who has just stepped up with a bedazzled girl who looks like she could be his daughter. She's glaring at Mr. Anderson with a fury matching Burt's, and Burt realizes that he recognizes her from Glee club. What was her name again? Sarah...Susan...Sugar! "I won't have you insulting my other guests in such a vulgar and unwarranted way."

Mr. Anderson throws Blaine one last scathing, disgusted look before saying, "We were just leaving anyway. I don't admire the company you keep, Motta."

"Then don't come back, Mr. Anderson. That boy there, from what I've heard from my daughter, is an upstanding, talented young man who has done nothing wrong that I know of. You should leave."

Mr. and Mrs. Anderson walk out past Blaine, very obviously giving Blaine a wide berth, and as they pass Burt doesn't miss how Blaine moves slightly closer to him, posture ramrod straight but turned subtly toward them as if he won't risk turning his back on them.

 

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence was my self-defense

Once they get in the truck, Burt starts up the engine.

"You didn't have to do that, Mr. Hummel. You don't need to feel obligated to defend me when we both know he's right. I mean, you guys are only helping me because I'm with Kurt," Blaine says quietly, _brokenly_ , "Because- because I'm nothing but a _whore,_ " Burt turns and looks over in shock at the self-hatred contained in Blaine's words. He finds Blaine crying, waves of tears coming down his face. The entire time they were in there Blaine never showed any emotion, taking abuse after abuse as his father flung daggers at his heart, but now Burt watches helplessly as Blaine's hands shake violently in his lap, head turned down as if in shame. "He's right, I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything." It breaks Burt's heart. He'd known before that Blaine's parents were horrible, that they'd verbally abused him and convinced him he was worthless (something that couldn't have been farther from the truth), but until tonight the full reality hadn't hit him. After everything they've gone through to get them to where they were at the beginning of tonight- the self-harm, the meltdowns, the confrontation with Mr. Schue, the misunderstandings, the therapy, the flashbacks...And of course everything good as well, most especially the college acceptance letters that Burt is so _damn_ proud of- all it took was one confrontation with his parents and he's set back to the week after he and Kurt reconciled, vulnerable and doubtful and full of self-hatred. Not only that far but probably even further back, to a Blaine from a period during which he was still living with his parents. Burt can only imagine what it was like to live for nearly eighteen years under that kind of abuse and never tell anyone, believing that the only thing you were useful for was providing use to someone, even if it was someone the world disapproved of. How many times when Blaine had come over to their house during Kurt's junior and senior years had Blaine been thinking something along those lines?

Oh god, oh  _fuck,_ Burt's about to _vomit_ -

"Blaine, kiddo, I meant what I said in there. You're a part of the family now." Blaine startles, looking up at him with wide, shocked eyes. The sight makes Burt want to go back into that ballroom and punch both Andersons in the face, make them feel all the pain that their son has felt. They are reason Blaine is so shocked at the idea that anyone could love him, so surprised that anyone could consider him a part of their family. "We all love you. Not just Kurt and I- Carole raves about your accomplishments at work as much as she does Kurt and Finn's, and Finn defends you like you're the little brother he's never had. For most of my life I had one son, when Carole and I got married I had two, and from the moment Kurt brought you home I had three. Blaine, we care about you as much as we would a member of the family _because_  you are a member of the family. You are not-" Burt nearly chokes on the word, so full of hatred he is toward it, " _whoring_ yourself out."

Blaine still won't look at Burt, but his hands have stopped trembling in his lap. "Really?" He asks quietly, and his voice is so unsure.

"Of course, son," Burt says. The term of endearment flows off Burt's tongue so naturally, so comfortably, and Blaine half-smiles. His hands fall to his sides and he lets out a deep breath. He still doesn't look at Burt, but at least this is a start.

"Okay," he says as he buckles himself in, "Let's go home. I want to tell Kurt and Carole and Finn before they find out through someone else."

* * *

_Blaine was on Cloud Nine._

_He came home from Dalton whistling, singing at full volume along with the radio as he drove home. He had finally gotten up the courage to kiss Kurt Hummel and as far as first kisses went it was the better than he ever could have possibly imagined._

_His good mood lasted until he entered his house, the tune he was whistling (Blackbird) dying on his lips at his father's words._

_"Would you stop that infernal noise? That faggy sound is irritating."_

_The words, so routine, suddenly scissored into Blaine's heart. He had proved himself to Kurt, right? Today, the entire practice spent kissing and laughing and singing had been proof of that. Kurt_ liked _him for him, right? Not for any of the disgusting, sick reasons his parents seemed intent on driving into his skull._

Right?

_***_

_"So you finally caught the attention of another one of those perverted boys?" His father says as soon as he enters the house a few weeks later. He's just gotten back from a Friday night dinner with the Hummel-Hudsons and it's an abrupt shift from the warm, comforting acceptance of Kurt's family to the hurtful disdain of his own._

_Blaine doesn't answer, instead just heading to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water. His father snorts. "Thought so. Not even a slut like you could catch anyone's attention."_

* * *

I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me, I was all right

But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life

"Okay, there won't be any sneaking off to discuss this alone this time around, you two," Burt says with a slight smile, and Kurt and Blaine's cheeks go red. Then he sobers. Though he does enjoy teasing his boys, this is going to be a serious conversation. "This is something we need to discuss _as a family_."

He sees, in the corner of his eye, Blaine take Kurt's hand, and it warms his heart. Just that little gesture of comfort, giving and receiving in equal measure, somehow convinces him that everything will turn out okay. If Kurt and Blaine can make it through what they've gone through, then they can make it through this.

"Tonight at the banquet we met Blaine's parents," Burt starts out, and while Kurt, Finn, and Carole's heads swivel toward Blaine the boy keeps his gaze focused steadily on his hand clenched around Kurt's, not looking any of them in the eye. "Let me just say that those people do _not_ deserve to call themselves parents. They said that after those boys that beat him up at the Sadie Hawkins dance "failed to straighten him out" they didn't care if Blaine died or not."

"And..." Burt braces himself for his family's reaction, "They insinuated...no, outright _said_ that Blaine was whoring himself out." 

"They said _what_?" Carole hisses, and whoa, Burt's kind of scared. Carole _never_ gets angry. The closest to this angry that she's ever gotten was during Kurt's senior year when Kurt, at Blaine's urging, admitted to the full extent of Karofsky had done to him- including the forced kiss. She'd looked like she'd been ready to shout the boy into the next life then, but now she looks ready to tear the Andersons a new one, to kill them. "They called Blaine  _what?"_

Blaine nods, the expression on his face distant. "They always have. Even before coming out they constantly made comments about how slutty I dressed, and it only got worse after I came out. They never actually talked to me about it, just made comments like 'You know, Blaine, only fags dress like that. You're just trying to pick up other sluts, aren't you?' and 'Blaine, you've realized that the only thing you're useful for is whoring yourself out, right?'" He shrugs. "Well, at least they thought I was worth something then."

Everyone is staring at him, astonished by the horrible things that are coming out of Blaine's mouth. Carole clutches Burt's hand in a death-grip and Finn's mouth gapes open. He looks back at them, confused by the horrified expressions on their faces. "Why is that so much worse than anything else? It's just something they said. I mean, I did wear pretty eye-catching clothing. My jeans were kind of tight. I was pretty much begging for attention, wasn't I? They were just telling me the truth."

Burt recognizes, vaguely, what Blaine is doing. He's justifying the unjustifiable to himself, coming up with reasons why he deserved to be treated like something less than human. What really bothers him, though, is how robotic Blaine sounds, like it's just routine, and Burt realizes that this is the _real_ reason Blaine never shared anything with them before last fall. It wasn't that he was scared of his parents, or that he was protecting them- it was that Blaine thought he deserved it. Still does at least a little, in fact, if this is anything to go by.

It seems like Kurt has realized this too as he draws Blaine into his arms, eyes dry but lip trembling. Blaine's arms wrap around Kurt in return, but as Burt looks closely he sees that Blaine's arms have the slightest tremble to them. "You didn't deserve it," he hears Kurt whisper, "You never deserved  _any_ of it. Isn't the clothing I wear eye-catching? Do you think that I was begging for that kind of attention, like Karofsky said back in junior year after he _assaulted_ me? Do you think that I askedfor that?"

Blaine shakes his so head so hard that for one irrational moment Burt thinks it will fall off. "No, of course not, never-" He says fervently.

"Then why do you think _you_ deserve it?" Kurt cuts in, and Blaine goes still, freezing with his eyes going wide. Burt can almost feel the  _shift_ in Blaine, the moment that his son's words sink in.

"I..." Blaine starts to say, but his words trail off. He leans forward, shoulders falling as if in exhaustion, in defeat, and he hugs Kurt tightly. "I have no clue. I  _don't know._ It made sense, I don't know-" He stops and takes a deep breath, shoulders shuddering. "I just- I thought that  _maybe_ I was worthless, _maybe_ I was a slut, but I at least I was lucky enough to have parents, right? At least they sat with me at dinner, talked to me, enrolled me at Dalton when I needed it, told me to get better. They cared enough to tell me the honest, unvarnished truth even if it may have been exaggerated. I ran last fall because my father escalated to physical violence, but just the words? They may have hurt but they pushed me to do better."

"Shit, man," Finn says, and Burt can't even muster up the effort to correct his stepson as he's thinking the same thing. At the sound Blaine flinches, apparently still a little out of it, and curls into Kurt. Kurt wraps his arms protectively around Blaine and glares at his brother. Finn throws up his hands in a gesture of peace. "I know I'm not the best at a lot of stuff but Mom and Burt have never _insulted_ me. That's not caring, that's just bullying."

Kurt nods at him in approval even as Blaine goes "Oh.  _Oh."_ He turns to look at all of them, pulling out of Kurt's lax grasp. "That's- _oh_."

Burt nods, and Carole smiles at Blaine as he stares at them, wide-eyed. "I never realized-" He walks over to Finn and gives him a quick hug. Kurt and Carole's expressions match how Burt feels inside- bewildered- but then Blaine releases and grins up at Finn. The knot in Burt's chest begins to loosen just a bit, and he realizes that that shift that Blaine has just gone through has finally been cemented. "Thanks, Finn."

 _Finally_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in this chapter are "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel and "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry (Blaine's acoustic cover, specifically).


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's one final gift for you all- hope you'll like it!

_Live in my house I’ll be your shelter_

_Just pay me back with one thousand kisses_

_Be my lover I’ll cover you_

_Open your door I’ll be your tenant_

_Don’t got much baggage to lay at your feet_

_But sweet kisses I’ve got to spare_

_I’ll be there and I’ll cover you_

Blaine snuggles up against Kurt that night, one arm tucked up tight around Kurt's torso. Kurt's pajama top gets soaked with tears before Blaine finally manages to fall asleep, but he just continues to hold onto Blaine as tightly as Blaine is holding onto him. Eventually Blaine relaxes in Kurt's embrace, but Kurt stays awake, staring into the darkness above Blaine's curls.

This evening, watching Blaine say all those things about himself, was honestly one of the worst things Kurt's ever experienced. He never knew that Blaine felt that way, that his parents had told him all those things. Yes, he'd known that the Andersons had been neglectful, and that they'd somehow convinced Blaine that he was worthless, but those other insults, those names that seemed so foreign and impossible when it came to Blaine, he'd had no clue about.

Even now, he's having trouble processing the fact that someone had looked at Blaine, with his bright personality, faith in love, and unfailing loyalty, and ever called him slut and whore. He can't see any sane person looking at Blaine, bright-eyed and positive, and called him any less than beautiful. 

Yes, he's biased. He's in love with the boy and he's perfectly willing to admit it. He'll scream it to all of Lima, proclaim it through song if needed- Blaine Anderson is his one true love. He knows that he's going to be looking at Blaine through a lens that leaves him predisposed to seeing his better traits, but Kurt's _pretty fucking certain_ that Blaine, who cried at the idea of cheating on Kurt, is nothing like the horrible straw man that his parents have beaten into his soul. It makes Kurt feel so many things- angry, sad, frustrated- but most of all it makes him him grieve. Blaine could have had a beautiful childhood, could have grown into someone who doesn't put everyone else above himself, who values his own happiness the same as everyone else's. 

No, Blaine never would have been a selfish jerk- there's no possible way he could have turned out that way- but maybe he could have been a bit more sure of himself, a bit more trusting in himself. 

Well, whatever way it happened, Kurt is thanking his lucky stars that he gets to hold this beautiful, talented, kind, wonderful boy in his arms and make sure he knows he is loved. There is nothing Kurt likes better than showing Blaine that he loves him, so it actually works out  _quite_ nicely for the both of them.

Kurt drops a kiss to Blaine's curls and Blaine shifts, his arm falling off of Kurt as he squirms a bit in his sleep. Kurt freezes. "Come back to sleep," Blaine mutters sleepily as he stretches out the same arm in the offering of an embrace, "You're thinking too loudly."

Kurt grins and snuggles back into Blaine's warm embrace, tucking himself into the arms of the man he loves. And then, aligning his breaths with Blaine's, he falls asleep with a loving smile upon his lips.

The Andersons can't affect them anymore. Blaine is now living somewhere he is loved and appreciated. Perhaps that is the best revenge, knowing that the Andersons can't hold Blaine back anymore.

There is nothing holding Blaine back from becoming the man he wants to become, whoever that may end up being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is "I'll Cover You" from RENT.

**Author's Note:**

> So, should I continue this series?
> 
> Please leave kudos and give comments if you liked it or just leave constructive criticism if you don't!


End file.
